Oh No, not Again ..

A Mother's Place is where I am again...I had such a lovely time on my Birthday, and the day after, but was brought up with a jolt yesterday evening when I discovered that Son was really feeling low and depressed, and hadn't told me because he didn't want to spoil my Day! This, of course, made me feel even worse than I would have if I'd known. I must say that I had had my suspicions when I saw both his and the Girlfriend's Facebook comments over the previous week - I knew there was something amiss, but I didn't know what. (That's the trouble with Facebook - it's either good to know what they're up to, or it's not!) Anyway, my fears were confirmed when Daughter told me that Son and his Girlfriend had "split up". But she didn't know any more, and neither did I until I had a long and desperately worrying message from him yesterday. The trouble is, I'm so far away (well, London isn't round the corner) and I couldn't answer all his questions, or even speak to him, because he was feeling so lost and isolated that he wasn't even answering his phone. He also had written that he wasn't well either, and had a bad chest and cough etc - which was bound to make me feel even worse. Not that it's about me (as I wrote in my message to him) but I feel that my job is to try and make everything better for him. It's hopeless I know, because I can't do that either. I feel responsible, of course, and I also know very well that his Father has a lot to answer for. He (Son) has always been painfully aware of his Father's shortcomings, and when he was a little boy I could cuddle him and comfort him when he was hurt by his Father's behaviour. But of course those hurts go deep,and in recent years I think he has also been afraid that he might be growing like his Father. I always reassure him that he isn't - in fact he couldn't be less like his Father: he is sensitive (probably too sensitive), kind, very intelligent, very creative and very aware of other people's feelings. He is also very generous in every way. And I love him so much that any pain of his is torture for me. I couldn't get hold of him until this morning - and then it was only by text message. So I slept fitfully and thought of him and worried about him most of the night. That, of course, is what Mothers are for. I still haven't spoken to him - or rather he hasn't spoken to me - but I think he is feeling a little better. I still don't know the whole story, but I hope we will talk soon, and I hope that I can help. I know he has to deal with it himself, and I'm sure he will in time, but he has had some very bad patches in the past - all to do with relationships that have gone wrong - and I guess I feel that his worries about relationships with women must somehow be my fault. Who else is there to blame? Anyway, I have bought him some St. John's Wort, because that has been helpful on previous occasions, and some B Complex Vitamins to help get him back up a bit. Oh Lord, I wish I was a Fairy Godmother with a magic wand...

E is for Excellent ..

I am very proud to have been given an Award by Maggie May. Many thanks. And she also provided the information on how to get it onto my Blog - I hope. Here goes. And I have to pass it on to 10 other Bloggers, so will be doing that very soon. Thanks again, Maggie.

Many Happy Returns...

Birthday girl reporting, though not in her Birthday Suit - far too chilly today. Well, yesterday evening was just great. My London Friend and I went to a new French Restaurant a few minutes' walk from home, and had a really lovely meal. First we ordered a bottle of white wine, and then we started with Roasted Beets and Mache Salad and a Terrine Maison, which were both delicious - we shared them to get a taste of each. The little roasted beets, in their skins, were marvellously tasty, and the cheese and walnuts were perfect accompaniments. And then we both chose the French-Cut Steak with Sauteed Shallots and "Duck Fat" chips - totally yummy with Petit Pois a la Francaise. After that, I even managed a pudding - a gorgeous Creme Brulee - which I can only put down to sheer greed and being sufficiently squiffy to not be counting calories. Luckily, we didn't have far to stagger home.

This morning I had my mystery parcels to open - and I had lots of calls from Friends and from Sister (who sang "Happy Birthday to You", the squashed tomatoes and glue variety) Son sent me a text message and then phoned later, and Daughter and Grandson turned up in time to say hello, goodbye to my London Friend before she had to go.
So far, it has been a very happy Birthday indeed, and I'm going out again this evening! Phew..

I had a very interesting conversation with my Swiss Student this morning over breakfast. He was telling me that everyone in Switzerland has to take a holiday every year - it's compulsory. Apparently his Father has to take his hols in a couple of weeks - and he is not allowed to go into the office during this time. What happens is that other people take over his work while he's away, and they check to see that all his transactions are completely honest above board! In the words of my Student, "Corruption is impossible!" What a great system. I was wondering aloud how this might be implemented here, but not sure that it's do-able. I would love to think that our MPs could adopt this system - that would knock Derek Conway's little game on the head, (and any other little bits of fancy footwork by any other Members of Parliament). How marvellous to think that "Corruption is impossible".

Earlier this evening, my Student came home with a bunch of flowers for me - or should I say, a bouquet. It is the most lovely pink, orange and red concoction from The Flower Stand on the corner of Palmeira Square, with gerberas and glorious dusky pink roses arranged with green "spider" chrysanthemums and eucalyptus. Quite a magical combination and all wrapped in shiny cellophane. Lucky me. And now I'm off to another celebration - and another lovely dinner with a Brighton BF. One thing I won't be doing in the morning is getting on the scales.

Feeling more like it...

Several glasses of wine and another day further on, I'm feeling so much better. Today I went to met a Brighton BF for a cup of coffee, at least I had the coffee and she had the hot water. She is in the second week of a new regime to try and sort out her sleeping pattern. Ever since I have known her (only 6 years, though I feel as if we have been friends for ever) she has suffered from a simple inability to get a good night's sleep. I don't know how she copes, because I would be useless without sleep and plenty of it. Sometimes she only has two hours, and then has to get up and do something (anything) to try and get back to sleep again. This new regime means no caffeine or stimulants at all (so no alcohol either) and a very healthy diet. And she has to get up if she is lying awake for more than a half hour. Then she must do something like read, or watch TV for an hour before going back to bed again. And she has had to remove all clocks and watches from the bedroom so that she is not counting the hours. Heaven knows how she stays cheerful under the circumstances, but she does. And she is really positive about this treatment, so we have everything crossed that it works.

Then I went into town to try and buy something nice to wear for my Birthday, but couldn't find anything. Even in Zara. Suddenly all the shops seem to have their Spring and Summer stuff in stock, all cream linen and lacey bits. As it's still very much Winter here (and probably where you are too) I wasn't tempted by any of it. I even looked in M & S, which I have decided is so boring and dreary that I don't want to spend my money there. Speaking as someone who wore cutting-edge Biba and Bus Stop in her youth, and who had her hair cut at Vidal Sassoon, I'm not yet ready for the dreary stuff M & S seem to think is "age-appropriate". I'm seriously considering a trip to London to spend some serious money on decent Designer clothes. If only I could stay awake for a whole day..

Grandson apparently enjoyed his first "induction" morning at his new Nursery, though he didn't eat the lunch they provided. Still, it's only his first day, and he has another morning session tomorrow to help him settle in. He did actually speak to me on the phone today, and said "See you on Thursday, Nana." I'm so looking forward to it.

My other Brighton BF sent me a message on Facebook today, suggesting that we go out for a cocktail on Thursday evening. I'm all for that. Tomorrow one of my London Best Friends is coming down and we're going out to a new French restaurant for dinner. She will be staying the night, and then Daughter and Grandson will be arriving on Thursday morning, so I suppose we will go for lunch somewhere. It looks like being a very jolly (and indulgent) day. And I already have three mysterious parcels which have arrived early. I'm saving them for Thursday. How exciting.

Moving on..

Another day of shredding and shedding. I can't quite believe how much old paperwork I have been hoarding in the innocent-looking white boxes I bought from Ikea. At the time (5 years ago) I thought it was a cool plan to file everything away in these boxes, and they look pretty good stacked up in my Study. But, and it's a big but, they were simply hiding the real problem - why couldn't I get rid of all the rubbish?
Selling Son's flat has proved to be the catalyst for a huge clearout. Once I started emptying files and shredding paper, I just couldn't stop. I'm now on green poly sack number three, and nowhere near finished. I'm not just shedding paper weight am I? No, there's a lot of emotional junk being shifted along with the physical junk. I'm space-clearing I guess, to give it a Feng-Shui label. But it feels very good, whatever you call it.

The other good thing about all this paper shuffling is that I've re-discovered all my writing, which has been hidden away in the afore-mentioned boxes. It was, I suppose, convenient to tuck it all away, especially when Daughter and Grandson erupted into my life three and a half years ago. I tried manfully (or womanfully) to keep going with the book I had started, but the impact of a four-month old Grandson and a Daughter who'd been dumped by her partner (in fact he had completely disappeared one night, and didn't reappear for a year!!) was an implacable force. They had to move in with me (they had nowhere else to go) and he had left Daughter with a four thousand pound debt to go with the baby. Nice! For a while, my dining room was full of boxes and black plastic sacks, stacked four feet high. Daughter was completely shattered by the whole experience, and Grandson was a delight. The little darling ate and slept and smiled through it all. And eventually Daughter and I caught up with him. And here we are, much later, having survived and moved on. It's amazing what you can get through isn't it?

Anyway, I digress. I've re-discovered my book, and am quite determined to start writing again. Three cheers. Let's see if I can do it.

How are my family, you may wonder? Well Daughter and Grandson are settling in nicely with the Boyfriend, and Grandson starts his new Nursery School tomorrow. They are coming down for the day on Thursday, for my Birthday, which will be lovely. Son is still (I assume) getting on with buying the flat in London. I haven't heard much about it, but hope I will see him and maybe the Girlfriend at the weekend. It's strange to be semi-separated from them after so long being intimately connected. I guess I was very lucky to have them so close for so long.

So, M. French President Sarkozy has married his model. How cute! Apparently he is very short, or should I say vertically challenged. And she is probably quite tall. I'm sure he makes up for this in other ways though.

Post Script (which I should send to my Aristocratic BF, because it concerns a Mobility Scooter, which she says she can't wait to have): I read in the Guardian on-line that a poor woman had been knocked down by a hit-and-run Mobility Scooter!! She is eighty-something, and in hospital with broken bones. Apparently the driver of said scooter ran her down, saying that he didn't have time to stop, he was in a hurry! Dear God, whatever next...

What a wonderful world...oh yeah..

I'm sitting here with the sun on my shoulder, keeping me company, and listening to James Taylor singing "You've got a Friend". It's music from an amazing blog - Donna, from Texas, commented on my Blog, so I went over to hers for a visit. If you want some good old American Apple Pie and a lovely warm feeling, I suggest you do the same. She has created a complete world, with words, pictures and music, called Made in Heaven. It really is a step into another life, and one which I'd love to visit. I'll put a new link in my list (get me!) so you can visit if you like.

James Taylor took me back thirty years to Saturday mornings in Little Venice. I had a lovely flat there, with floor-to-ceiling sash windows which opened onto wrought iron stairs. These led down to a glorious three-acre garden called the Triangle Garden. On sunny Saturday mornings I would open up the sash windows and sit on the carpet in the sunshine, drinking coffee and listening to James Taylor, The Carpenters, Carol King etc. It was a great time - sometimes lonely, but still great. Thanks for the memory, Donna.

Hell's Bells.

February already, the year is picking up pace. And today was sunny and perfect for walking by the sea. But first I had a duty - the new owner of Son's ex-flat had some mail which had arrived for both Son and Daughter, so I had to go and pick it up. I wasn't looking forward to it, because that flat has used up a lot of my energy of late, and I really didn't want to see it again. However, I gritted my teeth. It wasn't so bad, except the place is so full of stuff you can hardly move. She is obviously a hoarder and is still working her way through packing cases. There is far too much furniture, and the bathroom is her "boxroom". I gulped a cup of coffee, made some polite conversation and high-tailed it out of there as quickly as I could. Never again!

Then I whisked up into Town and returned a cashmere sweater to Primark - it had looked good on the hanger, but made me look like a stuffed pink pudding. I opted instead for some black linen trousers, and then walked down to the beach cafe. I felt like an escapee from prison. KT made me some cheese on toast and I sat and chatted in the sun until I felt more like myself. Although it was very bright and sunny, there was a freezing wind ruffling the sea and I only walked half way back. Grandson would have loved it though, because all along the beach were huge grabbers and diggers loading the stranded wood onto massive trucks. It drew quite a crowd of onlookers, most of whom were voicing their disgust. The wood had been well and truly trashed by these giant machines; all the perfect planks (which people had been warned not to take) were being turned into spoilt and split matchwood. What a scandal, and what a terrible waste. It only served to reinforce my views on Insurance Companies; they never lose and almost never pay out. How sad that all that perfectly good wood had to be destroyed for the sake of an Insurance Claim!

As I arrived back home, my Student was also arriving with his Father, who has come to Brighton for the weekend, to see how his Son is getting on. It was quite funny, because they were carbon copies of each other. The Father has longer and curlier hair than my Student, and more of a beard and moustache - and he is kind of squarer and heavier - and older of course. We shook hands and I said I hoped he would enjoy his visit. He laughed and said "My Son tells me you are a good cooker." I laughed and said, pointing, "There's the cooker, I'm the cook!" It was all very good natured, and they went off happily, with their furry feet, to the Hotel du Vin.

The end of the day was very exciting - though I think I really must be hard of hearing! My phone rang at about 6pm, and my neighbour from downstairs informed me that she had accidentally set off her burglar alarm. Until then I hadn't heard it.
I went downstairs, but couldn't offer any help because it has never gone off in the five years I've been here. I phoned my ex-neighbour, down in Bath, but she couldn't help either, because she never used it. Hopeless. I must say that it was pretty deafening for about half an hour, until my neighbour got a man in to shut it off. Oh the relief when it went quiet. I came back upstairs, poured a large glass of wine and unplugged the phone!