The week starts here..

What a glorious walk in the sun today - it was so warm and the sea was glittering and sparkling as if it was showing off the Crown Jewels. The World and his Wife and children and the dogs were all out walking too, so I saw a fair cross-section of people today. Everyone seemed to be smiling - even the ones with so many piercings that it must be painful to smile (or do anything involving moving mouth, nose, lips, eyebrows, tongue etc). I do have pierced ears, and there's a tale attached to that! When I was a girl ear piercing was seen (mainly by my Mother) as dead common. We only knew one person with pierced ears, and she was called "Auntie Sylvie" - of course she wasn't a relation, just the wife of a friend of my Dad's ("Uncle" Ron).
I can still remember clearly the only photo of them that we had, a small black and white taken on a box camera. They were sitting on the grass, knees bent sideways, smiling in the sun, and Auntie Sylvie's earrings were in clear view. I thought she was terribly glamorous, and compared with my Mum, she certainly was. She was very slim, smoked with a cigarette holder, spoke with a foreign accent (Italian I think) and wore rather flashy clothes. Anyway, I always wanted my ears pierced, but was discouraged for years, not just because of the "common" aspect, but because I thought it would be really painful.. After the Brain Tumour, however, I suddenly thought to myself "If I can survive a Brain operation, I can certainly manage to have my ears pierced." So I did it - I went into Cambridge one day and just did it. And, guess what, it didn't hurt, in fact I didn't feel a thing. Now I can wear lovely dangly earrings, and no-one seems to think it's common any more.

I had a little adventure on my walk today, when I called in to a delightful and very arty shop down by the sea. It's next door to my favourite beach cafe and always has some gorgeous things, including books, jewellery and framed and unframed prints. It's the perfect place to go for a present. Today I wandered in and happened upon a print I hadn't seen before (not that I'm an expert). It was a view of the City of Bristol, obviously of 1940s vintage, very vivid, and had a pretend "frame" printed as a border. I had stood looking at it for ages, when one of the shop owners came up and started talking to me about it. Apparently it is one of the "School Prints" which were produced in the 1940s as an ambitious project to bring "Art" to schools all over the country. Famous artists were enlisted, and provided original works for reproduction and distribution to Schools. It was absolutely fascinating. This man talked to me for ages and then produced a delightful book (his own and not for sale) which told the story, and listed and showed all the original prints. In the series are works by Raoul Dufy,John Nash, Michael Rothenstein, L S Lowry, Feliks Topolski, Georges Braque, Henri Matisse, Pablo Picasso and Henry Moore. Marvellous stuff. Sadly, they only had the one print in the shop, and none of the books for sale, but we had a lovely chat about it, and I will go back again. He said that the prints are very collectable now (the Picasso goes for around £900 if you can track one down) and quite hard to find. I asked if I might come back sometime and have another look at the book, and he promised to keep it in the shop for me. How kind! I can just imagine sitting next door in the sun with a cup of coffee and borrowing that book. Something to really look forward to.

I'm off to my bed now. Tomorrow I have to write the promised Advertisment, and deliver it to my old Advertising Friend by the evening, so I'd better be fresh as a daisy in the morning. And my horoscope says I have to concentrate on updating my image and renewing my wardrobe next week! Some new clothes and a visit to the hairdresser could be on the cards. It says "Remember, wanting to look your best isn't shallow - it's about having healthier self-esteem." I'll drink to that.

Two Drifters, off to see the World...

Feeling rather blurry and out of focus today, probably because of lack of sleep. Actually, it wasn't too bad last night - but the night before (Friday) I just tossed and turned while Grandson slumbered on beside me. He slept, like the little angel he is, from 7pm to 7.20am, so I didn't have to leap from my bed too early. And the weather yesterday was lovely. We tootled off to see the donkeys and feed them carrots. (Grandson always eats a carrot or two too.) We passed the sheep (maa, maa) and the cows (moo, moo) on the way, and after the donkeys, goats and chickens had been visited, we sat in the sunshine at the Garden Centre eating our lunch. It was a repeat of many of our lovely days out when Daughter and he lived close by, so he really enjoyed it, and then we came back and watched "Ratatouille" again, and again. In fact, it's quite a good film, so I wasn't driven mad by the repetition. Grandson ate all his supper (toast and ham again - his version of pizza!) and went cheerfully to bed, and to sleep, without a murmur of protest.

I have been given a quick piece of copy to write for a Newspaper Advertisement by my old Advertising Friend, so I sat yesterday evening mulling it over and jotting down a few thoughts. Then I downed a couple of glasses of fizzy rose after dinner and had an early night. Not the most exciting day, but very enjoyable. And a good sleep, so I'm catching up.

It's gloriously sunny again today, so I'm going off for a walk by the Sea - Daughter has just collected Grandson and they have gone off to pick up a bicycle which Hon. Grandaughter has grown out of (it's going to the Boyfriend's Daughter and Grandson has a new one). We had a panicky 15 minutes looking for a pocket computer game which Grandson had been playing with yesterday and had put down somewhere mysterious. I had spent an hour looking for it last evening, but Daughter found it by using Grandson logic - it was poppped neatly into the top of my sewing basket!

During my search last night, I remembered that Daughter needed to take the Bike Rack today so that they could collect said bicycle, so I had to fish it out from under my Student's bed. Luckily he had gone out (that's a first) so I was able to duck in and get it. But I was halted by the smell in his room (I felt like the little chef rat in "Ratatouille" when he scents something interesting). I traced this smell to his wardrobe: old packaging from biscuits and sweets, crisp packets and dead plastic water bottles etc, all tied up in Tesco plastic bags. And all these old Tesco bags were neatly tied and stacked!! What on earth can he be saving them for? Anyway, I haven't yet seen him this morning, but I have a large green rubbish sack at the ready, and will present it to him as soon as he appears. Oh the delights of having Foreign Students...

We're walking, we're walking...

OK, moving on now because I'm fed up with the previous few days. Thank you to all my lovely Blogger friends for their support and advice which has helped me to get where I am now. This morning I woke up, binned the tissues, and felt a whole lot better. I made breakfast for my Student - and told him that he is going to have to initiate conversations from now on, because that is the only way to learn. He has been relying on me to start conversations and get him talking over the past six weeks, but next week he starts his work experience and if he waits for people to talk to him there, he could wait a very long time. I tried to explain to him that the British are, on the whole, a reticent and polite nation. If you do not speak to them, they will think that you don't want to, and will politely refrain from speaking to you. If this happens, he will be stuffed, because he is here to learn English. I think he got the message. I also told him that if they ask him to make the tea, he should do that cheerfully and to the best of his abilities. He looked somewhat surprised, and asked me how to make a cup of tea! I was merely passing on the best, and only, piece of advice my Father ever gave me: "Whatever you are asked to do, do it as well as you can. No job is menial unless you consider it to be so."

This morning I showered and dressed in cheerful things, adding make-up and a bright pink pashmina to my outfit, and went with my friend opposite for a cup of good coffee at Othello. We also treated ourselves to almond croissants, which were divine. Then later Daughter phoned to say that she was on her way with Grandson (he is here with me for the weekend). We met in Town, joining up with Hon. Grandaughter and her Mum for a hot chocolate. It was so nice. I've now put Grandson to bed and am semi-watching First Wives' Club, which I love. I can watch just about anything with Bette Midler in it. And it reminds me of when my (now-ex) friend Barbara sent me a paperback copy of the book. On the cover was the picture of a woman's hand holding two golf balls and about to crack them together. Very graphic. Daughter, who was about 10 then, said "Ooh look, Mum, Barbara's sent you a book about golf!" There was, and is, no answer to that..

Keeping up the Good Work?

Thank you to Debra in France for my new "Keep up the good Work" Award - though I don't feel I deserve it right now - I must try harder!!

Not waving but drowning...

Feeling not better but worse. Have terrible cold so am coughing and sneezing, but now also snuffling and mopping up tears because Son really didn't like what I wrote in answer (?) to his questions. He was down here this afternoon to collect a few things for when he goes skiing in a couple of weeks, but he wouldn't really talk about my letter. I tried to get him to respond, but all he would say was that what I had written was "defensive". (I suppose at least he didn't say it was dishonest, or hypocritical or stupid.) This was difficult for me because I believed that I had tried so hard to be honest and not dodge the blame where blame was due. He is always so honest, that I know he must mean that, I just don't get it. I'm not stupid, but I just don't get it. Oh hell, I can't ever seem to be anywhere but in the wrong. He said he didn't want to argue with me - if only he had at least it would have been out in the open. But he ended up by saying that he knew most of the answers to his questions anyway! Perhaps he went away feeling better after this, but I have come away feeling worse. Pretty sad isn't it that I should be so upset. Maybe I should just leave them to get on with their own lives and not try to be so involved. (But if he hadn't sent me that distressing message last Friday, I wouldn't have felt I had to reply!) Anyway, the end result is that it bloody hurts. Oh bugger.

All you Excellent Bloggers..

I have been very remiss in not passing on my Award to 10 more Bloggers of my choice. So sorry, but here is my list at last: Mutterings from the Mill, Blossom Cottage, Milla, Made in Heaven, French Village Life, Us in France, Dusty Spider, Soft in the Head, Mud Walls and Beams and Lady Thinker, all of whom have been visitors to my blog and have been very interesting to visit and read. I'm sorry I don't know how to "embed" the links, but hope you can sort them out. Thanks, and goodnight...

No-one can make my Sunshine smile...

Even Terry Wogan couldn't make me smile this morning, tears are closer to the surface I'm afraid. I've spent most of the weekend trying to keep in touch with Son and sending him messages. We still haven't spoken, but at least the messages from him are getting a little more positive. I know I'm slow sometimes in seeing the obvious, but it took me until yesterday morning to realize that his message from Friday was all questions -- and he had sent them to me! So I spent yesterday writing answers to those questions.

It wasn't easy. He was asking why he can't have healthy relationships, why can't he trust anyone, all the Big Questions in life, and I don't have all the answers, but I do feel responsible for where he is right now. I always said that I wasn't perfect, and of course I was doing it on my own, but I know I could have done everything better. Who doesn't look back and think they could have done a better job? Being proud of him and loving him is fine - that's the positive part, but I still feel those hurts he felt as a little boy - the ones I tried to soothe away. And some of those little hurts have grown into bigger ones that prowl like shadows in his life and sometimes reveal themselves, like now, and demand to be given attention. I feel as if I have been waiting for this - and he's right to want answers from me. I'll do anything I can to help him make it right. Yes, it's all part of growing up - facing our demons and shedding the past in a healthy way, but it is hard. I did it without much help - I guess most of us do - but he's a part of me that I couldn't and wouldn't want to deny. In the end, he will have to deal with these demons himself, but I'll always be as supportive as I can. I have written the best and most honest answers I could muster, and I'm just going to post them to him.

On a lighter note, I've been given another Award - by the lovely Donna - which I'm proud to add to my Blog. This did make me smile, thank you Donna...