Blue Veins and Orange Spots

    Well, here we are again after another long break..and I'm observing these very hands that are typing on my keyboard. They  are terribly shaky, as the Benign Essential Tremor has simply got worse over the last two years. I ask myself (and anyone else who is listening) what's so bloody essential about it and I simply despair at the use of the word 'benign'. This tremor does not wish me well and so why is it called benign? Maybe because it doesn't actually kill you? If so, I could think of a few more apposite words to describe it. Anyway just so you know, the blue veins and orange spots are on my hands and aren't in the least attractive, though at least  the orange spots are evidence of a bit of sun and will hopefully merge into something like a suntan eventually.

      My only other adventure has been a replacement knee operation, which was a bit scary. They don't like to operate on the elderly, and at 85 that's definitely me! I was very nervous, but it was done  at the very posh Goring Hall Hospital (or the Water Pistol as Big Grandson used to call it :) though through the NHS. Very efficient and no trouble thankfully, and I was home after 4 nights. It's a jolly painful op though, as the surgeon warned me, and I wouldn't want those first two weeks over again. I'm not complaining though, and it was certainly a novelty to be sleeping downstairs in my bed for a few weeks. 

     Anyway, enough of the boring stuff, everyone I talk to has a hospital story and I'm trying to get away from them. My BBF has gone on an adventure down to the South of France and is staying in an Air BnB in Antibes for a month. We are planning to do more of the same before too long, so I'd better hurry up and get fully fit. Out there the sun is shining and there are croissants to be dipped into lovely cups of coffee, not to mention the bottles of French sparkling wine waiting to be popped. Cheers !!

        

     Family-wise, everyone seems ok and I'm not upsetting anyone unduly. It's al ways a fine line though. Daughter has a new job, with more money and less stress (always a good thing) and Son is working hard in Spain in the sun.... little Grandson is playing football non-stop over there and little Grand Daughter is becoming more of a little beauty over here, although they are both now 10! and not so little.

I'm still standing!

     It's been 18 months since I last sat here to talk to you, and I'm sure many of you have already given up on me, quite rightly. I don't really know where to start, but have to start somewhere so here goes: time has whizzed by for most of us, I suspect, without much to show for it. The dreaded Virus has kept us in check and behind closed doors for much of the time. At least that's how it has been for me and most of my friends, some of whom are still patently scared to go out and about and get back to 'normal' whatever that might be.  

    And still I'm procrastinating.. now it is August 2022, amazingly, and I have been putting off any communication with this Blogging world (or any other come to that). I can even begin to see how people lose touch with their previous worlds. Even running about as I was a couple of years ago is now a dim and distant memory, and I hate the fact that I can't do it any more. Anyway, let's move on. Doctors and tests  have been my  main concern this year so far and I can't keep on with it.

    In  the meantime, Daughter has actually got married: it was a really lovely day in the middle of May this year, and she  looked wonderful of course. All the families and friends were ready for a celebration and it didn't disappoint. Daughter had been planning it for over a year and it had been delayed, thanks to the bloody virus, like so many other happy events. We all gathered at Brighton Registry Office, which was surprisingly lovely, with curved wooden sort-of pews for the guests, and it was a very nice atmosphere.  Daughter was walked "down the Aisle" by big Grandson who is now 18  and looked so smart in his Wedding Suit. It was all very emotional. Son, his partner and little Grandson were there too of course plus so many other people, only half of whom I knew really - mostly new Hubby's family. It does seem strange that my beloved Daughter is now a wife and has a husband, but there it is - and very happy they are too. Notable absentees were  her Father, not able to  travel from New Zealand because he has prostate cancer and is  not doing too well.. and my bad-tempered Sister who would have undoubtedly been the bad fairy and cast a black cloud over the proceedings.. ah well. In the end we all  had a lovely day and evening, and I was lucky enough to take Little Grandson home with me  while the others continued with the celebrations. A very good time was had by all , and now I also have a Son in Law!!  Lucky me...

 

Adding to the List.

        Well, dear Reader, it seems that I'm not the all-singing, all-dancing person I used to be! According to the (private) Doctor, I'm very lucky to have reached this age (82) without any serious ailments and without having to take serious medication. Lucky me! I've had the chest x-ray and it seems I have a slightly enlarged heart. I  have been taking blood pressure pills which have worked very well to reduce my blood pressure (without side effects) and that may help the heart situation. Next is an Ultrasound scan of the heart, and then a review of my blood pressure followed by my appointment with the Neurologist who will hopefully shed some light on the shaky hands. Phew! I've postponed my eye appointment until the end of the month and hope that by then I'll know a bit more. Add to these the hearing aids which drive me mad getting caught up in mask strings, and the dodgy knees, and it makes you wonder if it's worth going on!! What a list of ailments, I think I need to get a grip....

        Enough of all that, I  can hardly believe that it's the end of Summer already. I was blessed though by a longed-for visit from Spain: Son and little Grandson came for a whole week which was wonderful. We  had some proper family time, going on the Zip Wire and loads of those scary rides on the Pier (not me - I sat and watched). We had fish and chips too, and though I was rather slow everyone had a really good time. The next day, Sunday, they all came here for lunch and the week just rolled on from there. Poor Son had to do a couple of Covid tests, all negative, and managed to get the 'flu or at least a very bad cold, so had to be dosed up for all their activities. Grandson played football non-stop and we also watched the football on TV. They did manage a trip to London to see friends, and to go to the Spurs new Stadium, and the London Eye. I don't know how they did it all in a day, but they did. Boundless energy I guess. Anyway, we did just about everything and I dropped them off at Brighton Station on Saturday, sad to see them go, but having loved every minute of it. So, dear Reader, you find me still here, hanging on by my fingertips, but wishing I was there in sunny Spain with them!! 

          

"And at my back I always hear Time's Winged Chariot hurrying near."

        You could all be forgiven for thinking that I had popped my clogs, fallen off my perch or fallen victim to the dreaded Corona Virus. In fact I am still very much here, though not in the best form I have to admit.  To start with, my shaky hands are so bad that I can't write any more (with pen and paper that is), and for someone who has always written stuff (diaries, stories, poems) that is very hard to acknowledge. I could not even bear to  come back to this,  my dear old Blog, to record how I was feeling. I'm not sure what has changed, except that I  have finally been to see a Doctor (a private one)  to  spell out  all the things that have been  piling up on my worry list. Apart from the fact that it has been  impossible to see my GP during the pandemic, I really needed someone who would have the time to listen - paying for that was really worthwhile.

        So my list of ailments: shaky hands (and don't even think about putting on lipstick or eye liner), knackered  knees, increasing deafness, general tiredness and aching ribs (and having fallen over in the garden added to the aches and pains).And even as I type this, I can see that I'm simply listing the effects of ageing! Well, the lovely lady Doctor took what Tony Hancock would have called "an armful of blood" and within 2 days sent the results. Mostly good (liver, kidneys, calcium, thyroid etc). I  am just a bit deficient in Vitamin D (no surprise with our climate) and  have slightly high blood pressure and cholesterol levels. Not bad and all treatable! The Doc wants me to have a chest xray to see what's causing the sore ribs, and an appointment with the Neurologist, just to see if the old brain tumour could have had anything to do with the shakiness. So, we shall see. No doubt it will end up costing an arm and a leg, and I still won't be able to run or play footie with my Grandson : ))

        I do miss Son and family in Spain - still haven't seen them and it's nearly two years now.  They are fine, living in the sun and able to socialise with their friends. Grandson is on his long Summer Holiday and enjoying surfing lessons and a football camp. I so wish I was there with them. Maybe next year? That's if  "Time's winged chariot" doesn't catch up with me before then....

        

In the Wrong... Again.

           It doesn't take much for me to slip backwards into the wrong.. I only have to feel that old familiar apprehension, a lurching of the stomach, and I know I've done it again. I've spoken out of turn. This time I can easily blame the bloody virus, our isolation, and the feeling that we are now cut off from the rest of the world, thanks to Brexit. I want to talk to my children, but I know that they are always busy with their own lives and work. Lucky them. But they are balancing everything,  keeping all the balls in the air, and it's so easy to drop one. With my beloved Daughter it's "Sorry Mum, I'm busy", and with the Spanish crew I just feel so far away in both distance and experience at the mo. I often don't phone them because I just don't know what to say: there is no real "News" only the latest statistics, numbers of infections and deaths and similar cheering facts. I can't even project to when I might be able to visit them again. And though I can visit Daughter and family (thank heavens) there is still not much to talk about. I know I'm far from alone in feeling isolated, and I'm actually more fortunate than many people. It just doesn't feel like it, and I can't really explain why. It's no wonder they feel irritated with me. I do too!

            Birthdays come and go, and we feel just that little bit older with every one. Mine has just gone, and I'm still leaving my cards up to add a little cheer and colour to every day. I had lovely presents, messages from many friends and beautiful flowers delivered to my door. Lucky me! Is it churlish of me to just want to go out for dinner? 

            Big Grandson and I had a very indulgent dinner at the weekend: we went to the big MnS, which is very close, and bought their Valentine's Dinner for Two - oh the joy! We chose Prawn Cocktails, Sirloin Steaks with Garlic Butter and French Fries, and a divine Chocolate Cheesecake for dessert. And we shared a bottle of pink Prosecco plus four heart-shaped chocolates. It couldn't have been nicer. Big Grandson, at sixteen, enjoyed the Prosecco, and I  enjoyed sharing it. Jolly good value and dericious,  as my fondly-remembered Japanese student would have said - she was the vegetarian who loved my roast chicken!! Say no more :)

            Little Grandson's Birthday is coming up, in Spain, and my hoped-for trip is looking less likely with every day. Not only is foreign travel prohibited, but we can't go away in this country either. My lovely Little Grandson will be 7 at the end of March, and we have been hoping that restrictions would be relaxed a bit by then. Doesn't look very hopeful though - sadly. 

            I'm going to stop moaning now and leave you in  peace. It's brightening up here and seems to have stopped raining so I'm going for a walk and I'll try not to annoy anyone. 

The three R's

            The three R's I refer to above are three downstairs neighbors I had during my 13 years in Hove. I loved living there, and had the first and second floor maisonette with a balcony and front garden. My first R downstairs was Ruth, a very smart and accomplished young woman, who was working in London when I moved in, and was therefore not home much in the week. We got off to a very good start because the woman who had my flat before was apparently rather noisy, and I was quite the opposite.  I didn't go to the pub every evening and then bring back a group of friends after closing time! Poor Ruth, who had to get up early to catch her commuter train to London, had often been woken by loud partying immediately above her head (in what was my Dining Room) and was simply exhausted. Her relief when I arrived was very clear. She welcomed me on moving day with a lovely bottle of champagne. Over the next five years we became firm friends: Ruth decided to work locally, then met someone and fell in love; I was a guest at their gorgeous wedding, and they then proceeded to have two lovely children (a boy and a girl), Ruth set up her own business which was very successful, and  they eventually moved away, ending up in the Cotswolds. We are still firm friends and exchange cards and presents on Birthdays and at Christmas.

R number two followed Ruth into the Downstairs flat: this was Roz, who was then a single, smart businesswoman, living on her own but with a large extended family and loads of good friends. We became good friends too, and very soon considered ourselves to be family. Roz really wanted to have a child but there was no obvious choice of a father, so after much thought and questioning  she opted for a donor father, and did masses of research before deciding on the father she wanted for her child. I remember we  had long conversations on the pros and cons, and it took her a while to decide - quite properly.  Eventually though, she was pregnant and Bean was born: a delightful boy whose proper name was Gabriel, but who has always been called either Bean or Beanie by those who know him. In all we had 5 great and very eventful years when Rozzy was downstairs. Then she decided to buy an old house in the country near Lewes, and off she went with Beanie, selling her downstairs flat to my third R. And just like with Ruth, we remain great friends.  

Rachel was next, married to John.  They were childless when they moved in downstairs, but they were very soon pregnant and Finn was born. I did begin to wonder if I was the Fertility Fairy, waving my magic wand and helping to bring some lovely babies into the world? Whether or not, it was a rather wonderful thing that all three R's had their children downstairs while I lived upstairs.  Sadly, I moved away after 3 years with Rachel, but we have kept in touch too, so I feel my life has certainly been richer for having such lovely downstairs neighbours  and friends. 

 Thirteen years of serendipity - how lucky I was.   

In the Bleak Midwinter.

            I  wish I could find something to be cheerful about. I don't mean to sound pathetic, but there is very little that's cheering or exciting here at the moment. At least in America they have something to celebrate - the bad-tempered departure of the orange POTUS at last. I have to admit that I watched it on TV yesterday and was cheered by the low key positivity of Joe Biden and his dignified, all-inclusive tone - such a refreshing change from his shouty, bullying predecessor. I watched as the Trump family hitched their last ride on Air Force 1 and thought that it was typical of Trump to cling on to his privilege until the very last moment. I think they must  have  all  disembarked from the plane in Florida just as Mr Biden arrived for his inauguration in Washington! Cutting it fine at the very least, and certainly bad manners. So what's new?

            We  have passed the shortest day at last, and that should be cheering - another year is moving on. Sadly we are still in the grip of the Virus, and there seems to be no end in sight. Both Daughter and her Fiance tested positive and had to self-isolate, but are now better and  back to work. They both had very mild symptoms, and none of the children were affected. I'm fine too (so far so good) and have my first vaccination booked for Saturday. In Spain, Son and family are fine too, thank heavens. Son took a test for the virus, and another to tell if he had had it earlier and they both came back negative. The pattern of infection seems to be completely random as far as I can see. Actually I think we as a family have been very lucky so far. 

            I have been watching loads of old movies which is a good way to pass dark winter afternoons and even darker evenings. I miss seeing my friends. And I'm longing for the chance to have a lovely dinner out somewhere - that's if any of my favourite restaurants will be able to survive this lockdown.  Somehow I'm sure we will survive, let's hope.