I'm still standing!

     It's been 18 months since I last sat here to talk to you, and I'm sure many of you have already given up on me, quite rightly. I don't really know where to start, but have to start somewhere so here goes: time has whizzed by for most of us, I suspect, without much to show for it. The dreaded Virus has kept us in check and behind closed doors for much of the time. At least that's how it has been for me and most of my friends, some of whom are still patently scared to go out and about and get back to 'normal' whatever that might be.  

    And still I'm procrastinating.. now it is August 2022, amazingly, and I have been putting off any communication with this Blogging world (or any other come to that). I can even begin to see how people lose touch with their previous worlds. Even running about as I was a couple of years ago is now a dim and distant memory, and I hate the fact that I can't do it any more. Anyway, let's move on. Doctors and tests  have been my  main concern this year so far and I can't keep on with it.

    In  the meantime, Daughter has actually got married: it was a really lovely day in the middle of May this year, and she  looked wonderful of course. All the families and friends were ready for a celebration and it didn't disappoint. Daughter had been planning it for over a year and it had been delayed, thanks to the bloody virus, like so many other happy events. We all gathered at Brighton Registry Office, which was surprisingly lovely, with curved wooden sort-of pews for the guests, and it was a very nice atmosphere.  Daughter was walked "down the Aisle" by big Grandson who is now 18  and looked so smart in his Wedding Suit. It was all very emotional. Son, his partner and little Grandson were there too of course plus so many other people, only half of whom I knew really - mostly new Hubby's family. It does seem strange that my beloved Daughter is now a wife and has a husband, but there it is - and very happy they are too. Notable absentees were  her Father, not able to  travel from New Zealand because he has prostate cancer and is  not doing too well.. and my bad-tempered Sister who would have undoubtedly been the bad fairy and cast a black cloud over the proceedings.. ah well. In the end we all  had a lovely day and evening, and I was lucky enough to take Little Grandson home with me  while the others continued with the celebrations. A very good time was had by all , and now I also have a Son in Law!!  Lucky me...

 

In the Wrong... Again.

           It doesn't take much for me to slip backwards into the wrong.. I only have to feel that old familiar apprehension, a lurching of the stomach, and I know I've done it again. I've spoken out of turn. This time I can easily blame the bloody virus, our isolation, and the feeling that we are now cut off from the rest of the world, thanks to Brexit. I want to talk to my children, but I know that they are always busy with their own lives and work. Lucky them. But they are balancing everything,  keeping all the balls in the air, and it's so easy to drop one. With my beloved Daughter it's "Sorry Mum, I'm busy", and with the Spanish crew I just feel so far away in both distance and experience at the mo. I often don't phone them because I just don't know what to say: there is no real "News" only the latest statistics, numbers of infections and deaths and similar cheering facts. I can't even project to when I might be able to visit them again. And though I can visit Daughter and family (thank heavens) there is still not much to talk about. I know I'm far from alone in feeling isolated, and I'm actually more fortunate than many people. It just doesn't feel like it, and I can't really explain why. It's no wonder they feel irritated with me. I do too!

            Birthdays come and go, and we feel just that little bit older with every one. Mine has just gone, and I'm still leaving my cards up to add a little cheer and colour to every day. I had lovely presents, messages from many friends and beautiful flowers delivered to my door. Lucky me! Is it churlish of me to just want to go out for dinner? 

            Big Grandson and I had a very indulgent dinner at the weekend: we went to the big MnS, which is very close, and bought their Valentine's Dinner for Two - oh the joy! We chose Prawn Cocktails, Sirloin Steaks with Garlic Butter and French Fries, and a divine Chocolate Cheesecake for dessert. And we shared a bottle of pink Prosecco plus four heart-shaped chocolates. It couldn't have been nicer. Big Grandson, at sixteen, enjoyed the Prosecco, and I  enjoyed sharing it. Jolly good value and dericious,  as my fondly-remembered Japanese student would have said - she was the vegetarian who loved my roast chicken!! Say no more :)

            Little Grandson's Birthday is coming up, in Spain, and my hoped-for trip is looking less likely with every day. Not only is foreign travel prohibited, but we can't go away in this country either. My lovely Little Grandson will be 7 at the end of March, and we have been hoping that restrictions would be relaxed a bit by then. Doesn't look very hopeful though - sadly. 

            I'm going to stop moaning now and leave you in  peace. It's brightening up here and seems to have stopped raining so I'm going for a walk and I'll try not to annoy anyone. 

In the Bleak Midwinter.

            I  wish I could find something to be cheerful about. I don't mean to sound pathetic, but there is very little that's cheering or exciting here at the moment. At least in America they have something to celebrate - the bad-tempered departure of the orange POTUS at last. I have to admit that I watched it on TV yesterday and was cheered by the low key positivity of Joe Biden and his dignified, all-inclusive tone - such a refreshing change from his shouty, bullying predecessor. I watched as the Trump family hitched their last ride on Air Force 1 and thought that it was typical of Trump to cling on to his privilege until the very last moment. I think they must  have  all  disembarked from the plane in Florida just as Mr Biden arrived for his inauguration in Washington! Cutting it fine at the very least, and certainly bad manners. So what's new?

            We  have passed the shortest day at last, and that should be cheering - another year is moving on. Sadly we are still in the grip of the Virus, and there seems to be no end in sight. Both Daughter and her Fiance tested positive and had to self-isolate, but are now better and  back to work. They both had very mild symptoms, and none of the children were affected. I'm fine too (so far so good) and have my first vaccination booked for Saturday. In Spain, Son and family are fine too, thank heavens. Son took a test for the virus, and another to tell if he had had it earlier and they both came back negative. The pattern of infection seems to be completely random as far as I can see. Actually I think we as a family have been very lucky so far. 

            I have been watching loads of old movies which is a good way to pass dark winter afternoons and even darker evenings. I miss seeing my friends. And I'm longing for the chance to have a lovely dinner out somewhere - that's if any of my favourite restaurants will be able to survive this lockdown.  Somehow I'm sure we will survive, let's hope.

Another New Year

             The sun is shining on my Christmas tree, making the decorations sparkle, but I must admit that that is about the only thing that's sparkling about my life at the moment. I know I'm not alone in feeling this, but isn't it hard to force yourself to be more positive and cheerful just now?  On New Year's Eve we should all be  looking forward to something - maybe a new job, a new baby, a new relationship? But this year all of those possibilities are overshadowed in no small measure by the continued presence of the COVID virus. It has affected all of our futures and shows no sign of disappearing. 

And as of  this afternoon I'm sadly more involved than before! Big Grandson and Little Granddaughter, having spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with their Father and his  family, are now at home with Daughter and have had the news that their Father has just tested positive for COVID. (Although he feels fine and his only symptom seems to be that he couldn't taste his Brandy:) Anyway they haven't seen him since Christmas Day, so should be OK, and they are both feeling fine. However, Daughter's Fiance woke up this morning with chest pains -  not feeling at all well, and has gone for a test this afternoon. I was so looking forward to seeing them all, and to having Big Grandson here for New Year's Eve but it just wasn't to be it seems. 

I'm trying not to think too much about the other disaster, that of Brexit, which is about to hit us all. I will not be celebrating at 11pm, and have my fastest finger ready to turn off the television the minute there is any mention of it. Johnson's pathetic statements about leaving the EU behind (and Remainers) and all uniting to face a future without all the benefits and  advantages that union has brought us just make me very cross. I am, and will always remain, a European. And the sooner we get our senses back and rejoin the EU, the better.

Time Flies...

           I can hardly believe it, but we are at the end of  November already. And what a cold dreary day it is to wave goodbye to the month. I have been sitting here trawling through old photographs, more or less by accident, and I have to say that the combination of cold foggy weather outside and reflections on family past inside has not been terribly cheerful. I must get out more - but I'm not sure that's going to be allowed any time soon either. 

            As I am elderly (81) and have allergic asthma, I am pretty sure I'm not going to be allowed out at all. Thankfully Daughter and family are my "bubble"  and so I do have one escape route available. And I have Big Grandson staying with me very occasionally - we are all in the same bubble, so I hope and pray that I'm not breaking the law.  Don't mention Christmas though, I was hoping to flit off to Spain and stay a couple of months, but that is looking extremely doubtful - and even if I could muster up the courage to fly to Barcelona I could not be sure what might happen there: let's face it, being locked down in Sitges would be better  than here, certainly weather-wise and of course there would be Son and family  to socialize with, and as I haven't seen them since last Christmas it would be so lovely. I do miss them terribly.

 Oh I just don't know what's best to do. And when I checked on the Gov. website it advised only essential travel, and you have to have a private COVID test, with paperwork, 72 hours before travelling. Oh and that costs anything from £100 - £150 (apparently the free NHS test is not acceptable - why?). The whole business  makes me feel sick, even though I'm perfectly fit!  I can see why a lot of people are deciding to give it all a miss this year, and don't get me wrong,  I love Christmas and everything that goes with it:  Christmas trees, tinsel, sparkly lights, Christmas carols, presents, stockings, beloved family all together and all the lovely food, but this year just won't be the same for so many people. 

Ah well, let's all look forward to next year and hope that 2021 is better in every respect. I'm not wishing my life away, let's face it I'm too old to be tempting providence right now. 

This Nana is probably going to opt for the safest Christmas so that we can all enjoy the New Year. It doesn't have quite the same ring to it, but needs must!!

More Happy Days...

           Even better news from Daughter at the weekend - she and her Bloke are now officially engaged. I knew it was in the offing because Paul (he now has a name!) came to see me a couple of weeks ago, in the traditional way, to ask if I had any objection to him proposing. I thought this was both touching and charming, and of course I had no objection at all. I can't imagine that it would have made any difference either way, but it was very good of him to think of it, and to make me feel very much a part of the whole thing. He is a very solid and dependable chap, just what Daughter needs, and more importantly they make each other happy. It has not been easy for them over the three and a half years they have been together: they have five children between them, four of whom are living under their roof, and with such disparate ages and stages (children from three through to seventeen at the start) they have certainly had their ups and downs. I guess this sort of "blended" family is pretty typical nowadays and it certainly works well for them.  Anyway, all's well at the mo. We are all delighted and Daughter has a lovely diamond engagement ring to display on her lovely hands. The manicure looks pretty good too. 

            The next thing will be to organise the Wedding, which they would like to have out of doors in a lovely garden with a marquee in Summer - and hopefully when all this nasty virus stuff has gone away. In any case, they have worked out that just keeping it to family and friends will mean roughly 150 people!! Goodness gracious me! Daughter is loving the whole "Planning a Wedding" thing, and I'm sure it will be perfect.

            Politics rears its ugly head continually just now doesn't it? This morning I hear that  Gollum is leaving Downing Street (at last) and will be leaving BoJo to his own devices - can it get any worse I wonder? And the orange POTUS is still refusing to concede in America... two-year old having a tantrum comes to mind and it's a ghastly image. We all  know what to do with two-year old tantrums don't we? Just walk away....

Don't speak too soon!

            Of course I was tempting Providence with  my last post. Big Grandson came home from College last Thursday with a nasty cough and on Friday had a temperature, so Daughter booked him a Virus test and they all had to self isolate. They had to wait until Sunday for him to get a test, and in the meantime had to just stay put. I guess the dog could have gone out, but they couldn't!

            Anyway, forty-eight hours after the test (at about 11 o'clock this morning) BG was given the all-clear with a negative test result. What a sigh of relief - though Daughter and I had been pretty sure of the result. So they can all go back to work, school and college tomorrow, and I was allowed into the house to give them all a hug.

            Today is another day - much better as everyone is back to normal. I went out early, after greeting my loverly cleaning ladies, to meet an old friend for a cup of coffee. That passed a couple of hours which were needed in order to exchange all the news on our respective families. And then I went on to a luxurious manicure and pedicure, made all the more wonderful by the fact that I hadn't had either since  before the beginning of the year. Ah well, now I have bright red finger and toenails which are amazing, and very relaxed feet after the massage. 

             No more news for now, so I'm off to do something about my supper. See you later....

             

The Slough of Despond.

                I am not casting aspersions on Slough which is, I'm sure, a perfectly nice place to live. No, I'm actually referring to the state of mind which most of us endure at some time or other: that of feeling so low that life doesn't seem worth living in its current condition. We are in the throes of a dire situation, given the dreaded Pandemic and of course the looming "no deal Brexit" - both of which are giving us a really hard time. What to do? Well if you happen to be a University  student, your options are even more limited than those of  the rest of us. You have to stay put in your accomodation (which by the way is costing you a fortune, whether you are using it or not) you can't go out to the pub or a restaurant, and now there's the prospect of not being allowed to go home for Christmas. What bloody rubbish - and I don't care if they set the Stasi on me - we have to speak out when life becomes so absurd. As far as the rest of us are concerned, we are all being urged to upload this App or that App, follow the guidance issued by the (ridiculously inept) Government and, in other words, DO AS WE ARE TOLD. Well sorry, I'm not doing the bidding of this fat, white, entitled and corrupt  so-called Government. .Nothing will convince me that they have my best interests at heart. So eat that Bojo.

                On a brighter personal note, Big Grandson, who is 16, has started at his 6th Form College in Lewes, where he is taking Art & Design and Photography, plus re-taking Maths, and he is happy as a clam. He likes his Tutors and has met some new mates, which is all wonderful news. He is already very much into the Art subject and is doing some great drawing and really enjoying working on the projects he's been set. This is all great and although the nett result is that he doesn't come to stay with  me, I'm delighted that he is becoming more independent and confident with every day. He is obviously meeting young people with the same interests and talents and is running with it. Long  may it last!

So far the Pandemic has not touched either us as a family, Daughter's workplace or Grandson's College. It does seem strange that there is apparently so much infection around us and yet we remain free of it. So far that is! I hope that you have all been similarly fortunate.

 

11

Sitting Pretty...

      I'm still sitting  here. but not sure for how long. I have actually been to look at an apartment that's for sale in Hove, well West Hove actually, and on the border of Portslade. Despite the dodgy address (at least as far as Hove purists will think)  it's rather nice and I am tempted. It is smaller than this, but  has some character and possibilities. Anyway I'm going for a second viewing this afternoon (with my trusty tape measure and notebook) and with Daughter, who can be relied on to take a practical view.

      Well, the practical view was that it's too small and also on the corner of a pretty busy road, so the garden made it a bit vulnerable. Also, it had a burglar alarm, which is always a stumbling block for me. (The only time I have ever felt insecure was when Son was a baby and we lived in the middle of nowhere, in a beautiful farmhouse. It had a burglar alarm which would go off regularly in the middle of the night and made us totally paranoid. Usually it was set off by an owl swooping past or something similar, but it was horrible.) Of course, being on the ground floor anywhere makes one vulnerable, sadly, in this day and age. And I could see the point that it wouldn't be a good idea to "lock up and leave" on my trips to Spain. So there it was.

      Never mind, none of us  knows what is going to happen lockdownwise and viruswise, not to mention Brexit, which I dread more with every passing day. It's all such a a mess, and the mess is actually worldwide it seems to me. 

       Part of the family have decamped from Sitges to Poland for a couple of weeks, mostly to escape from the extreme heat there, though Son has stayed in Sitges and is working from home. Warsaw is  apparently a bit cooler, but not much. (And in fact it's about as hot here!)

       Daughter and family are fine, in and out of the paddling pool in the garden, and Granddaughter is dividing her time between Daughter and  her Dad. Big Grandson is spending part of each week with me, just to relieve the monotony really (for him not me) and continues to eat me out of house and home. It has become the new 'normal' which is actually far from normal if I'm honest. 

      The big news is that we won the Virtual Pub Quiz last week (among our teams that is). My theory is that our team of two had the oldest (me) and the youngest (Big Grandson), so were able to cover a wider range of questions. BG knows all the pop culture answers and I know most of the 'historical' ones. It's a system that works, and I think we'll do it next week too. We scored 41 out of 50 questions. 

      Time to go,  I've been wittering on for long enough.

Solitude in the time of Corona Virus...

      It is Saturday and the radio keeps me company as usual. Everywhere it is unusually quiet. The loudest sound is birdsong, and even the buzzing of bees is loud when I go outside. There are no aeroplanes overhead.  Nor is there any noise of traffic, even in the distance. It is all slightly unreal, though becoming more normal every day.
      Of course not everyone is alone at this time, and for some it is a time of heightened anxiety and plain fear: those who are at risk of domestic violence are in a fearful position from which there is no escape. I remember the very brief time when I was in a similar situation: I was madly in love with  a very charismatic man who was totally charming , loving and reasonable when he was sober, and a monster when he was drunk. I lived in fear for a while, and finally escaped from the relationship by having a nervous breakdown! Luckily for me he was reasonable enough to let me go - but I can imagine the terror and horror of being trapped in that situation. I feel so strongly that families in similar situations should be protected at all costs. I was very lucky that I was helped out of that affair by an understanding employer and an excellent  therapist,  and by the ability to simply sit in silence, with  tears rolling down my cheeks, until the fear had passed. It took three months of total retreat and complete solitude - my mind was allowed to drift and heal until I could cope with normal life again. And in case you wonder why I have taken  this stroll down memory lane, I'm sure that experience has allowed me to cope with every hit I have taken since: divorce, single parenthood, a brain tumour, all have been water under the bridge. And now Corona Virus, the biggest global disaster to hit humanity for 100 years, is giving millions of people an extended dose of solitude at the very least. For some it has meant awful sickness, mortal danger and even bereavement. Our Doctors and Nurses are struggling to deal with this, but are underprotected and under-equipped, and we have an incompetent Government which refuses to acknowledge any responsibility. And this state of affairs is set to  continue for god knows how long. Perhaps until we have truly learned respect for our planet, and the value of humanity and compassion in our lives.
      I don't hesitate to say that I feel very fortunate at this moment (fingers crossed) that I cope quite cheerfully with this imposed solitude, and that  my beloved family are all safe and sound, and healthy. May we all come through this somehow, living to face another day in a better world.

Nearly Easter...

      It's sunny and warm today, and we are another week into lockdown and one week into April. So far all my family are well and coping with the situation. I cannot stress how lucky I feel just to be able to say that. All over the world families are losing fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, children: all relations of every kind and all ages it seems, are at risk from this ghastly virus. My Daughter, who is a hero to me, is juggling her job (working from home), the family of six (and the dog), doing the shopping for them and for me, and remaining both cheerful and positive while  keeping all the balls in the air! Of course I know that so many people are far  worse off than we are, and I'm eternally grateful that we are keeping healthy. Wherever you are, I wish the same for you.
      In the meantime, I'm doing a bit of work in my garden, which is a small blessing in itself. I may not much like living in Shoreham, but I must say it has come into its own now because my house is tucked away in a quiet spot with just a few neighbours and we have a lovely area of grass and trees where we can sit out and the children can play while still keeping a safe distance from other people.
And I have been regularly Skyping with my Son's family in Spain. They are in even more lockdown than we are, and only one person can go out at a time to do essential shopping. My little Grandson hasn't been out for 4 weeks now, and we have been doing drawing and colouring on Skype just to keep everyone going reasonably. Luckily they have the most wonderful terrace/balcony with amazing views over Sitges from the sea to the mountains. So they have fresh air, and can sit and eat outside in the sun. I think they are managing brilliantly and keeping pretty cheerful.
      Strange isn't it that suddenly there is only one subject we are all concerned with: the daily news and the latest from around the world, numbers of new cases, people in hospitals and deaths. And because we all want to survive, this is all that really interests us.
      And in case you wonder why I'm not including news of our Prime Minister in my blog, it's because I  don't have a great deal to say on the subject. He may, in due course, regret the fact that he and his despicable bunch of Tories cheered as they voted down long-overdue increases in salaries for Doctors and Nurses not so long ago. I wish him well to have the good luck to survive the virus and show his long-overdue appreciation for our NHS. Nuff said!

Still here..

      It's Tuesday and the lockdown is really biting throughout most of the world. How strange that we, who are very social beings, should be shut away in our own spaces for the foreseeable future in case we spread the virus. And here the internet really comes into its own - I know that I would feel totally cut off if I couldn't contact friends and family by Skype or Facetime, and even just by phone. Just think that my Grandmother (who was born in 1875) would not use the telephone because she thought it was a scary invention. In many ways, I guess she was right, but where would we be without it now?

      On Sunday it was little Grandson's sixth Birthday, and as they are in total lockdown in Sitges, he couldn't have the usual jolly party with all his friends. Instead we had a Skype call which included his other Grandmother in Warsaw, and which was pretty jolly anyway. Daughter-in-Law had made a chocolate cake with chocolate icing and sliced strawberries on top, and six candles of course. So we all sang Happy Birthday and he blew out the candles. He was in very good spirits and it was lovely to be able to see them. They are so fortunate because they chose an apartment with a wide, sunny terrace and with views over Sitges to the sea and the mountains.(Being in lockdown in an apartment with no outside space must be a complete nightmare, especially with small children.) And Son has so far been able to work remotely on his computer, which we hope will continue.  

      Daughter is similarly fortunate because although they are all (all six of them) more or less at home together, they have a lovely garden and the weather has been nice enough for the little girls to be outside much of the time. Big Grandson hasn't really changed his routine, he's just chillin' in his room mostly and texting his friends - which is how they contacted each other before the virus anyway. The big difference is that his GCSE exams have been cancelled, and who knows when they might be re-scheduled. The family have a sports field just behind the house, so they can walk the dog on their once a day exercise outing. And Daughter and Partner have also been able to hold on to their jobs too, so far, so I can only keep fingers and everything crossed for them.

      None of this is particularly good news of course, but keeping it in perspective we are all relatively lucky so far. And worldwide the skies are clearing; we can all breathe easier as pollution is magically disappearing. Our man-made climate emergency has been replaced by another, viral, emergency - one equally of our own making which poses a more immediate threat.

      Will the world listen this time, I wonder?

      

Nearly all over...

      Well, my absence this time was not really my fault. I have tried several times to start a new post and the blooming computer wouldn't let me! I have no idea why, but I was barred from my own Blog and as I'm not the sharpest on tech stuff, I just didn't know what to do. Anyway, I'm back now and just hope it will be ok.
      I have had a pretty horrible time, healthwise, to be honest, with an abcess or two (one on my chest and one on a tooth) a chest infection and a continuing snuffly cold, so it's no wonder I'm a bit fed up with it. I have also decided to deal with my dodgy ears, eyes and teeth before I disappear off to Spain, and while I'm at it, I'm going to ask for an MOT at my GP so that I can feel better about everything. It all sounds a bit depressing, all part of growing older I know, but a good plan to deal with it I think.
      On a more cheerful note, things are going pretty well in Barcelona, as they have finally found an apartment in Sitges, which looks really lovely: it's in a modern development, with amazing views to the sea, three bedrooms, and a communal pool. It's also very near the school for Jasper. Let's hope it works out for them - and they have invited me over for Christmas, what larks!
      I don't think I told you about my visit to Sitges in October: it was lovely weather and I stayed the first 6 days in a hotel on the seafront, the Platjador. I had an ensuite room on the third floor, with a balcony overlooking the pool at the back. I can't praise the hotel enough; I had the biggest bed I have ever seen, very comfortable, a super shower room and it was immaculate. The staff were lovely too, and couldn't have been more helpful. A fabulous breakfast was included in the price, as was tea with pastries, served at 5 o'clock in the roof terrace bar. Altogether it was perfect and I also looked at four rental flats while I was there. I met some lovely people too; the owner of one of the flats, and her Mother, and a really nice young woman Estate Agent (I know that's normally a contradiction in terms, but she was extremely nice). Anyway, it was altogether a really good experience and a chance to see what might be available in Sitges for a long-term rental.
      The family turned up to collect me in Sitges on Saturday, and combined this with looking at flats that might suit them. We had delayed this for a day as the Catalan demonstrations were in full swing in Barcelona that week - In fact I had been very lucky not to be affected by them. I had watched the news avidly in my room as it had been full on all week - though not in Sitges! I must say that it did help my understanding of Spanish, though not my ability to speak it. And I can sympathize with the Catalan cause, though not the violence involved - I hated seeing cars on fire in the streets.
      Amazingly there was no sign of protesters,  marches or demonstrations when we drove back to Barcelona.They had all melted away and Barcelona was back to its elegant self. Rather strange.
Anyway, I then had five days with my lovely Son and his family before coming back, and though they hadn't then found an apartment, I'm happy to say that they have now, so it's all change again.
      More updates to follow - it really feels much colder now, so I guess it's "Winter drawers on"!!
;

Any way the wind blows..doesn't really matter.. to me.

        Oh dear! I'm totally bewildered..where am I going? , I can't believe I'm still in Shoreham, but I am and I think that most of my friends and family are both fed up and frustrated that I seem unable to make a move, or even a decision.
        On the face of it, it shouldn't be difficult: I don't want to stay here, I want to live somewhere warm and I would like a house near the sea, with a garden, a pool and enough room to do bed and breakfast so that I can keep my head above water, financially. Surely that's not a huge ask, and I should have enough money to do that either in Spain, near Barcelona or in France, near the border.
It sounds very simple doesn't it, so why am I making such a meal of it?
       When I said to Son that I needed a plan, he said "Well make a plan Mum" and of course that's where I fall down, because I would really like some help with making the plan, and they are all too busy with their own lives to sort me out! Naturally enough. Daughter would help if she had the time too, but she doesn't really want me to  move to warmer climes, so that is not really helpful.
       Yesterday I had what I thought was a brilliant idea, which was to put a message out into the Universe to see if anyone would care to "Share a Chateau"... sounds like a brilliant idea to me, if I could only think how to do it. I would love a small Chateau where I could live and do my B and B, but I would need a partner who could  do the DIY or whatever was needed. We could share the costs and the living accommodation, and divide the labour according to our skills. I'm really good at the design bits and making it look lovely, And I'm not bad at the cooking and welcoming guests (I've done a bit of that in the past), My partner would have to be up for the practical stuff like cutting logs and grass and taking care of general repairs. I think it could work. What do you think?
       Of course, there would have to be a 50/50  investment and all the  legalities would have to be sewn up tight. Perhaps it's too much to hope for a like-minded soul, but just maybe there is someone out there. I need to give it some more thought, so I'm airing it here as a possibility. Who knows, it might work.
       On a different note, Big Grandson went on a school trip this week to the Large Hadron Collider at Cern in Switzerland. It was a (very long) day trip. They left at 4 am for Gatwick, flew to Geneva and then went on to Cern in a coach. It was apparently the most wonderful experience, and Grandson was hugely impressed by both its vast  size and the complex physics of the thing. It is apparently the biggest machine in the World!! They went underground to see where the particles are whizzed around in a 17 mile circular tunnel at great speeds until they collide and produce yet more particles or atoms. I don't pretend to comprehend it, but it is rather wonderful and is helping us (or rather them) to understand our Universe better. Anyway Grandson loved it and came home with a Large Hadron Collider orange hardhat (cost 8 Swiss Francs) and some postcards to remember it by. They arrived safely back at midnight, absolutely shattered.

Stronger Together

      Another long gap in communication, and I'm all out of excuses. I'm not moving after all - at least not yet - and still searching around for some certainty! I had sold my house (to the busy woman and her husband), but after two whole months of looking far and near with nothing even remotely nice appearing, I had to change my mind and stop the sale. I could picture myself standing outside with a couple of suitcases, waving gooodbye to the furniture van and having nowhere to go.  It was a very scary prospect. Having had a couple of weeks to think about it since, I believe it was because I have always had a clear vision of where I was moving to in the past, and I don't have that now.
      So now I'm considering renting in Sitges (half an hour from Barcelona by car or train), possibly followed by buying in Sitges, and trying to decide what to do with this house in the meantime. There are many options: renting this house out furnished, or unfurnished, or not renting it! Or even doing an Air BnB with it..( Actually I'd happily do nothing with it until I'm sure what I want.)  Ideally I will go out to Spain for a short recce first, in September, to see how I might feel about living there. And then I could get a Winter rental there so that I could keep warm and learn  more about the place. Son and his family are also considering a move, either in Barcelona or possibly to Sitges, so we might even join together - or not! See what I mean? I must say that the prospect of packing up everything in this house and stashing it in the garage is extremely daunting. Sensible, but daunting. Anyway, because of various happenings, nothing is happening right now! Son and family have left Barcelona  for the summer (much too hot to stay) and are in Warsaw (with her Mother and friends), followed by the Polish Lake District, followed by a few days together at a lovely Spa, followed by London, followed by here in sunny Shoreham for the last week in August. That leaves me in an uneasy situation where I feel rather isolated, as if I should be doing something positive, and yet I know there's nothing to be done until the beginning of September! Heigh Ho!
      And in the meantime, Daughter and family are still in Hove, with Big Grandson having celebrated his 15th Birthday (he's now 6ft. tall), and have settled in with New Bloke and two of his children and the dog. It's been two years now, so they are more settled.  Big Grandson and Little Granddaughter are supposed to be dividing their time between Daughter and their Dad, who also lives in Hove. It's sort of working, but isn't exactly ideal. I know I couldn't have done that kind of time division with my children, but then it was a long time ago and I'm an old fashioned old fart.
      Actually, the reason for naming this post "Stronger Together" was mainly to do with the political situation and the dreaded Brexit! I'm a strong Remainer, mainly because I'm old enough to remember what it was really like before we joined the EU. And I have no wish to go back there - what I'd like to see is a strong alliance of  all the parties who are in favour of us being in the EU - and all pulling together. I just don't believe that anything other than disaster will come out of Brexit. I love being European, and separating ourselves on this little island, with the likes of Boris Johnson, Slimy Gove  and Rees-Mogg to look after our welfare seems a really stupid thing to do.  And as for the wavering, havering Jeremy (I'm not in opposition) Corbyn, well my patience has long been exhausted. I'd tie them all together and launch them off the white cliffs into the sea - and good riddance. I'm not alone when  I say that this whole debacle has convinced me never to vote either Labour or Tory ever again. So there!
     

Another month goes by..

      I can't believe I have let another month pass without writing anything. And tomorrow I am off again to Barcelona, this time taking my Big Grandson for a family visit. I'm so looking forward to it
and so is he. Not only because it is still lovely and warm in Barcelona, but also because we will be staying with Son, his Partner and little Grandson (who is tremendously excited by the way). This will be Big Grandson's first trip to Barcelona, and we are going to do the street art walking tours and probably also going to the Picasso Museum, as well as going to the beach and swimming in the sea. All these arty activities are because Big Grandson is going to be starting his GCSE years when he goes back to school, and one of his chosen subjects is Art with a capital A. He  has even been painting and generally experimenting with paint in the holidays. Some of his canvasses are really good in my opinion: he has used feathers and paint in a very interesting way.
     Yesterday we even trekked up to London to see the Frida Kahlo Exhibition at the V & A Museum. It was a bit of a mission because our train to London was cancelled, so we had to go from Shoreham to Brighton and then change on to a Victoria train so the journey took us 2 hours. I had joined the V & A as a Member in preparation for our visit, as the exhibition was completely sold out and pre-booked. It was worth it because as a Member I can take up to 4 children under 16 for free, and use the Members' Room - and there's no charge for entry to special exhibitions. Brilliant as far as I'm concerned and it really made the visit easier. Grandson really loved the Frida Kahlo and was so interested in her life, He made notes in his little book and was impressed with her clothes and jewelry: her artificial leg was the object of much fascination for both of us. It was incredibly decorated and somehow symbolized her bravery. She must have been in pain every day of her life, and she died at only 47. It was an amazing experience seeing all this come together, and Grandson bought paints and brushes as well  as postcards. He intends to put together a project on her, so watch this space.
      When we come back from Barcelona on 31st August, Daughter and family are moving again, to a larger house in Hove, and Grandson will have his own room again. They are literally moving the day after we come back, on 1st September. And then School starts again on 4th. Here we go again...

Mothers and Grandmothers.....

    Last week I put both feet in it, regarding my lovely Barcelona family. I was thinking of going out for a few days, and hoping to help with my little Grandson, when Son's Partner had to fly off to Warsaw because her very elderly Grandmother was poorly and not likely to live much longer. To cut a long and complicated story short, I sent a loving message of condolences to both my Son's Partner and her Mother before the beloved Grandma had actually died. This was not my fault, because someone else had anticipated the event, but nevertheless, I did actually send the messages before checking. Oh dear! Many heartfelt moments later I was sending apologies and feeling dreadful. It's lucky for me that my family are so understanding, so that when the dear Grandmother did pass away, a couple of days later, I was able to send a very sincere message without feeling a complete fool. Once again, a Mother's place was in the wrong - I should expect it by now!
    And I'm not off to BCN in the immediate future because it's Big Grandson's 14th Birthday on 30th, and his Half Term too, so I imagine I will be on duty here for the holidays.
   Well, it's  the Royal Wedding today, and a lovely day for it. I'm not watching it at the mo, writing this instead, but I'm listening to the radio, so I guess I'm semi-involved. When you think of it, Ms Markle is just about the furthest she could be from the traditional royal bride: she's divorced for a start, and 'mixed race' as it is politely put, she is older than Harry by a year or two and she has been a star of the small screen (in old-fashioned terms, a show-girl). If only she was Jewish as well, we would have the full set! But it just shows how far our own Royal Family, and our society as a whole, have come in adapting to real, modern life. I'm immensely cheered by the fact that it shows an overall tolerance which was certainly not the case in previous years.
      Having watched the ceremony - irresistible really - I'm even more impressed with the way their two cultures have been intertwined for the occasion. I could have done without the extra-long white train on the white dress, but otherwise the new Duchess looked just lovely. I was also impressed with her Mother - when you think that this lady had flown across the Atlantic on her own, met the Queen of England for tea yesterday, and is now sitting watching her daughter marry a Prince in St. George's Chapel at Windsor Castle, it could all have been overwhelming, but she is somehow both modest and dignified, beautifully dressed in an understated way and thoroughly calm in the situation. I'm not one for religious ceremonies, but the Evangelical Bishop from America was a regular blast of fresh air, and the Gospel Choir singing 'Stand by Me' was genius. A final thought from me: Blimey, Meghan Markle, a divorced, mixed race American television actress is now a Duchess and has the Queen of England as her Grandmother-in-Law! It's the stuff of fairy tales.
      My favourite bit is the celebrity watching (the Beckhams and George Clooney in particular), and I intend to do a bit more of that before I switch off and watch the Cup Final. I'll be cheering for Chelsea I think, only because it's better to have a team to cheer for, and I'm not a great fan of  'the Chosen One'. If Man U don't win he will be so grumpy...I wonder what his Mother is like?

..Happy Easter Bunnies

        Oh dear, Easter is upon us and it's still cold and dreary here. I'm sitting at my table on this grey day and wishing myself back in the sunshine of Spain. My Barcelona family have gone on an Easter trip away from the city and are in Calella de Palafrugell for a few days. They have sent me some divine photos, plus Easter wishes, and I must say that I would much rather be there enjoying the warm sun.
      The rest of my family, the Hove branch, have gone off to an Easter event which is in a park somewhere  and involves clues and hunting for all sorts of things,  probably Easter eggs included. I opted out of this as there are I think at least a dozen of them going - including new Man and his children, sisters, cousins, nephews and nieces, the dog and Uncle Tom Cobbley and all! My Daughter, big Grandson and little Granddaughter will be there of course, but I felt I would be decidedly out of my comfort zone, so here I am talking to you instead.
       I may take a trip to the Garden Centre, though I don't feel inclined to buy any plants at the mo.
It's just too cold and wintry to expose anything tender to the elements. And I don't feel inclined to add anything to my garden just now - at least I have the Spurs match to watch later: it's the Chelsea vs Spurs game at 4pm, so I'll be glued to the Live Streaming!
       I have decided in my head that I won't be living here in the future - I need to move to somewhere I can feel at home. This feeling has come upon me gradually, but is now a certainty.  I have realised that I am living in a place that doesn't feel like home, and we all know how important that feeling is. It may take a while for  me to find the right place, but as I have always managed to do so in the past, I'm sure it will come to me. You may think I'm crazy to be even considering all this moving stuff again after only three short years, but it's no good! Lovely as this house is, it's in the wrong place and has the wrong feeling. I've tried to feel at home here, but it doesn't work. For a start I'm surrounded by old ladies and though I'm probably considered to be just that, I don't feel like it, and probably never will. You won't catch me staggering around on a stick or going into a Care Home: over my dead body is all I can say!  And, as I'm sure you know, it's hard living somewhere you don't feel a part of.  Looking back, I have lived the longest in places I have loved: after my childhood home in Hornchurch  (which was an Essex village then) 20 years, there was Randolph Crescent in Little Venice (12 years), Bateman Mews in Cambridge (15 years) and then New Church Road in Hove (13 years). All the other places were stop-gaps, and when they weren't right I stayed for a maximum of 4 years in each! That says it all to me. So look out, here I come, looking for yet another place to call Home.                                                                                                 
       
 

Bye Bye Barcelona..

       Typically, on my last day in Barcelona, I woke to a deep blue sky and glorious sunshine. It has been cold and grey grumpy weather for just about the whole month I have been here, so this morning was both a joy and an irritation. Anyway we had planned a day outing to the beach for St.Patrick's Day celebrations which were again typically weird, or so I thought. Where I wonder is the connection with St. Patrick and a rowing race between three handmade boats, out on a decidedly choppy sea in  Barcelona? It's true that the commentator was actually Irish, though he was on a microphone in the roped off compound which was barely in sight of  the sea, let alone the actual race. And to do him  justice he did tell a few dreadful Irish jokes. There was Guinness on sale, just about the only drink, and there were burgers. In the end my curiosity got the better of me and I walked down to the jetty where the action was, just in time to see the next lot of three handmade boats set off for their race. The sea was so choppy that the boats kept disappearing, and I was lucky enough to witness the drama of the afternoon, when one of the boats actually capsized and a handy powerboat was called out to the rescue. It was pretty dramatic and the hapless craft was hoisted on to the powerboat and delivered safely back to rousing cheers. All great fun, but how on earth it's connected to St. Patrick beats me.
      Today Grandson was Spiderman all day - and he didn't stop running and jumping while were at the beach. Son is in London for a week so we didn't have his calming influence, but all their friends were there, and they are a lovely bunch. Most of the couples are one half English, and their children generally speak at least two languages: English/French, English/Polish, English/Spanish etc, and of course the children are going to Spanish schools and Nurseries, so they are absorbing both Spanish and Catalan at the same time. The net result of all this is that sitting on the beach is like being at a multi-lingual festival, and it's very impressive to have a 3 year old translating for you. My little Grandson regularly turns to me and says "That's Polish Nana" when he and his Mum are deep in conversation.
     I'll be leaving this perfect apartment with regret. It has been just wonderful to sit at my laptop and write in a calm and peaceful environment without distractions and interruptions. And without feeling parental, or grandparental, duties looming. I've started something, so I mean to finish.
     And now, back to packing ready for tomorrow. Bye bye Barcelona...   
   

Holding Back Time

      Yesterday morning after a lovely late breakfast with my Barcelona family, I took a walk to the beach. It was a warm sunny day and as I sat watching the Sunday people promenading, I couldn't help thinking that we are all, one way or another, trying to hold back time. There were beautiful young people everywhere, running, jogging, skating and playing beach volleyball,  all with so much energy, and all fighting a losing battle! Even the very little ones, so delightful and full of beans on their little bikes and scooters are rushing headlong into a future they can't contain. The little ones want to be older, the older ones want to be younger and fitter, but we are all heading towards the same place, unavoidably. I understand why older men want younger women partners, (and vice versa) because it gives the illusion of more years, more time to spend or fritter away - because that's what we are all doing. As I watched the throngs of people, the little boats bobbing in the sun, the paddle boarders, and all humanity, it was something of a revelation to me - and I hope not a depressing one for you. Personally I found it strangely comforting, but perhaps that's because I'm fairly well adjusted to getting older - and I'm doing it mostly alone. Really, there's no choice so we may as well enjoy it.
      It was the perfect weekend for those of us who are mad about football. I just love watching it, and used to love playing it with big Grandson. Sadly for  me, I can't run any more, and that upsets me - but anyway I can watch my beloved Spurs, and even from here I can manage to Live Stream the matches I want to see. Son and I had a bit of a pantomime sorting it out but in the end we were able to watch the winning goal for the Spurs (good old Harry Kane - though he's only 24) and see the Arsenal soundly beaten by Manchester City at Wembley.  And because Chelsea lost their match with Manchester United,  we moved up to 3rd in the Premier League. Good results all round (as long as you don't support the Arsenal). The football was accompanied by a very tasty Bolognese supper (at Son's apartment at half time!) and then small Grandson throwing himself around the sitting room in a regular fury of energy just before he went to bed. And then I strolled 'home' to my apartment. where I sat with a glass of wine in utter peace and comfort. Lucky me...