Any way the wind blows..doesn't really matter.. to me.

        Oh dear! I'm totally bewildered..where am I going? , I can't believe I'm still in Shoreham, but I am and I think that most of my friends and family are both fed up and frustrated that I seem unable to make a move, or even a decision.
        On the face of it, it shouldn't be difficult: I don't want to stay here, I want to live somewhere warm and I would like a house near the sea, with a garden, a pool and enough room to do bed and breakfast so that I can keep my head above water, financially. Surely that's not a huge ask, and I should have enough money to do that either in Spain, near Barcelona or in France, near the border.
It sounds very simple doesn't it, so why am I making such a meal of it?
       When I said to Son that I needed a plan, he said "Well make a plan Mum" and of course that's where I fall down, because I would really like some help with making the plan, and they are all too busy with their own lives to sort me out! Naturally enough. Daughter would help if she had the time too, but she doesn't really want me to  move to warmer climes, so that is not really helpful.
       Yesterday I had what I thought was a brilliant idea, which was to put a message out into the Universe to see if anyone would care to "Share a Chateau"... sounds like a brilliant idea to me, if I could only think how to do it. I would love a small Chateau where I could live and do my B and B, but I would need a partner who could  do the DIY or whatever was needed. We could share the costs and the living accommodation, and divide the labour according to our skills. I'm really good at the design bits and making it look lovely, And I'm not bad at the cooking and welcoming guests (I've done a bit of that in the past), My partner would have to be up for the practical stuff like cutting logs and grass and taking care of general repairs. I think it could work. What do you think?
       Of course, there would have to be a 50/50  investment and all the  legalities would have to be sewn up tight. Perhaps it's too much to hope for a like-minded soul, but just maybe there is someone out there. I need to give it some more thought, so I'm airing it here as a possibility. Who knows, it might work.
       On a different note, Big Grandson went on a school trip this week to the Large Hadron Collider at Cern in Switzerland. It was a (very long) day trip. They left at 4 am for Gatwick, flew to Geneva and then went on to Cern in a coach. It was apparently the most wonderful experience, and Grandson was hugely impressed by both its vast  size and the complex physics of the thing. It is apparently the biggest machine in the World!! They went underground to see where the particles are whizzed around in a 17 mile circular tunnel at great speeds until they collide and produce yet more particles or atoms. I don't pretend to comprehend it, but it is rather wonderful and is helping us (or rather them) to understand our Universe better. Anyway Grandson loved it and came home with a Large Hadron Collider orange hardhat (cost 8 Swiss Francs) and some postcards to remember it by. They arrived safely back at midnight, absolutely shattered.

Stronger Together

      Another long gap in communication, and I'm all out of excuses. I'm not moving after all - at least not yet - and still searching around for some certainty! I had sold my house (to the busy woman and her husband), but after two whole months of looking far and near with nothing even remotely nice appearing, I had to change my mind and stop the sale. I could picture myself standing outside with a couple of suitcases, waving gooodbye to the furniture van and having nowhere to go.  It was a very scary prospect. Having had a couple of weeks to think about it since, I believe it was because I have always had a clear vision of where I was moving to in the past, and I don't have that now.
      So now I'm considering renting in Sitges (half an hour from Barcelona by car or train), possibly followed by buying in Sitges, and trying to decide what to do with this house in the meantime. There are many options: renting this house out furnished, or unfurnished, or not renting it! Or even doing an Air BnB with it..( Actually I'd happily do nothing with it until I'm sure what I want.)  Ideally I will go out to Spain for a short recce first, in September, to see how I might feel about living there. And then I could get a Winter rental there so that I could keep warm and learn  more about the place. Son and his family are also considering a move, either in Barcelona or possibly to Sitges, so we might even join together - or not! See what I mean? I must say that the prospect of packing up everything in this house and stashing it in the garage is extremely daunting. Sensible, but daunting. Anyway, because of various happenings, nothing is happening right now! Son and family have left Barcelona  for the summer (much too hot to stay) and are in Warsaw (with her Mother and friends), followed by the Polish Lake District, followed by a few days together at a lovely Spa, followed by London, followed by here in sunny Shoreham for the last week in August. That leaves me in an uneasy situation where I feel rather isolated, as if I should be doing something positive, and yet I know there's nothing to be done until the beginning of September! Heigh Ho!
      And in the meantime, Daughter and family are still in Hove, with Big Grandson having celebrated his 15th Birthday (he's now 6ft. tall), and have settled in with New Bloke and two of his children and the dog. It's been two years now, so they are more settled.  Big Grandson and Little Granddaughter are supposed to be dividing their time between Daughter and their Dad, who also lives in Hove. It's sort of working, but isn't exactly ideal. I know I couldn't have done that kind of time division with my children, but then it was a long time ago and I'm an old fashioned old fart.
      Actually, the reason for naming this post "Stronger Together" was mainly to do with the political situation and the dreaded Brexit! I'm a strong Remainer, mainly because I'm old enough to remember what it was really like before we joined the EU. And I have no wish to go back there - what I'd like to see is a strong alliance of  all the parties who are in favour of us being in the EU - and all pulling together. I just don't believe that anything other than disaster will come out of Brexit. I love being European, and separating ourselves on this little island, with the likes of Boris Johnson, Slimy Gove  and Rees-Mogg to look after our welfare seems a really stupid thing to do.  And as for the wavering, havering Jeremy (I'm not in opposition) Corbyn, well my patience has long been exhausted. I'd tie them all together and launch them off the white cliffs into the sea - and good riddance. I'm not alone when  I say that this whole debacle has convinced me never to vote either Labour or Tory ever again. So there!
     

Nobody Panic...

Honestly, I'm beginning to feel a bit like a rabbit frozen in the headlights where this move is concerned. It's just that I have to get my head around not only moving, but getting rid of so much of the 'stuff' that I have gathered around me over the last twenty years or so. Then there's the fact that I will have to completely gut and refurbish the new place, which will take roughly two months, during which time I will have to rent somewhere short term. If all of this sounds stressful, it is supposed to be but I feel strangely calm most of the time - just unable to actually do anything.
   I should be planning it all, on the computer probably, and I am  getting together a lot of pictures which I'm saving in my "Moving Folder". Typically for me, I can easily visualize what it will look like when it's finished; I can see the kitchen, the sitting room, the bedrooms, the bathrooms and even
the garden as they will be when finished, it's just the getting there which eludes me! I have now seen three builders, all different, and all very helpful in their different ways - they can all apparently do what I want and seem competent enough. But I have heard so many horror stories about builders that I'm naturally cautious and, frankly, terrified of choosing the wrong one. My best option would seem to be the one who is actually working on another house in the same development at the moment. I have been watching their progress over the last couple of weeks and their work looks good. Fingers crossed, they could be the ones...
   I don't want to add any pressure to Son's life either, since he has only just emerged from wrestling with his builders, who were basically a "gang" of Polish men who were often drunk on the job, often not even on the job, and finally left their new house in an unfinished and dodgy state. All I want is for him to come down in a van (with a friend) and take some of my stuff away. They already have one of my lovely rugs in their sitting room, and it works well on their new oak floor. I just wish they had room for more. And if only Daughter could take a few things! But that is just wishful thinking as their flat (a large, three-bedroom job) is already stuffed to the gills with their things, and even when they move I don't think they'll want much of mine.
   Anyway, I'm just whingeing really. We obviously have lofts and attics for the sole purpose of storing things we will never look at again.. and particularly our children's things. Mine contains children's books (still boxed from my move 12 years ago), black sacks full of old stuffed toys,
a half-size snooker table, a travel cot, a rear shelf from an old Renault 5, suitcases full of summer or winter clothes, bubble-wrapped pictures...well you get the picture, and I swear I won't do it again..
   I know I'm going to have to store some things, like the table from my Dad and the elm chest and probably the beautiful C18th corner cupboard, but now I'll have a garage, a dry, solid brick-built garage, in which to store them for a while. Ho Hum...
   Oh and just before I go, here's something I heard on the radio this morning: "What is Dark Matter?
It's called Dark Matter because it doesn't give out any light." Basically, it's the dark stuff in between the stars. Isn't that wonderful?

First Birthday Celebrations.

   Today is little Grandson's first Birthday and I have been to see him and join in the celebrations. It meant driving to London this morning, which was fine except I'm hopeless at directions and even more hopeless at using a Sat-Nav. I did try once, when a friend loaned one to me, and ended up shouting at the infuriating woman whose voice was telling me what to do. So now I look up the route on my computer, print it out and then sort of learn it before I do the drive.. Anyway this morning I was driving to their new house in Leyton and although I had pretty much memorized the directions, I still managed to get lost, went through the dreaded Blackwall Tunnel three times (don't ask!) and arrived, completely pooped, after two hours.
   It did improve after that, though I'm not sure that the little one  knew it was his Birthday. He certainly  realized that it wasn't a normal day because of the balloons floating around the house and everyone wishing him a Happy Birthday, and he was enjoying the food. It was a gathering of (mostly) Polish friends; one couple have a six month old baby, and two others are about to give birth, so it was very child-centred, naturally enough.  The other three guests were gay men, and I was the only grandmother.. And then they sang Happy Birthday in Polish - which I couldn't join in with,
Ah well, everything changes.
   It was so lovely to see them, and to see the new house which has been mostly done, but which has caused them so much aggravation. There are still things which are not finished, or have been badly finished, but Son seems to have it under control and the results are very good on the whole. It has taken its toll though, and he looks absolutely exhausted. I hope that now they can relax a bit and start to enjoy living there. Hearing about their awful experiences with their builder makes me feel even more nervous about my move - but I just have to be positive.
   This weekend Daughter has been away on a Hen Weekend. They went to a very grand-sounding house in Oxfordshire, with a pool, sauna and spa, I haven't  heard from her but she was due back this afternoon. Her partner has been in charge of Grandson and the baby on his own for the weekend, so I look forward to hearing how he coped. I saw him yesterday morning when I took Grandson to his football training, and he was in very good spirits, having had a fairly good night with just one child.
Of course Grandson is a help anyway, so last night was probably OK.
   Nothing much is happening here, though I feel I should be doing more to get moving. I have a surveyor preparing a report on the house in Shoreham, and have heard that my buyer would like to complete the sale in June. That gives me a bit of breathing space, but it's not that far off. I have had a couple of builders recommended, and I need to get some plans together. One thing is for sure, I'll have to get rid of so much stuff when I move. I look around at all the furniture and things I have gathered around me over the last 30 years and I  feel rather sad. Most of it I love, but there simply won't be room for it all....
   By the way, driving back was much better, thank heavens. I had the reverse route pretty fixed in my head, and only had to go round Bow Roundabout the once ; )