"Men may come and men may go..."

  "... But children are forever"
   Those wise words were spoken by an old friend of mine, many years ago when all of our children were pretty young. And the words came from our experiences. We were reflecting, in our relative maturity, on the ephemeral nature of our (failed) relationships with husbands and lovers, when compared with the lifelong commitment that bringing up children requires.
   Of course, this was a long time ago and, sadly, our friendship didn't last either. But I have been reminded of just those feelings by what is happening with Daughter right now. She has dived into
yet another relationship and I am watching from the sidelines and can't help noticing that Grandson seems to be getting the short end of the stick. He is 13, and I know how tricky the teenage years are, but the nice house, which was meant for Daughter, Grandson and little Granddaughter to live in while they recovered a bit from the previous failed relationship, is now stuffed full with new Man plus his three children (not full time at least) and a dog. It's just too much and it is getting to Grandson. He is having to share his bedroom with new Man's 18 yr old, (who is perfectly nice,but virtually a stranger) in what is an already overcrowded space, and is also being compared, unfavourably, with the new Man's children,  He has been to stay with me for a couple of days over half term, just to get a bit of peace - but of course he eventually wants to go back home because he loves his Mum and misses her. I do worry about him, and I know that Daughter is trying to keep everything together. I  hope she puts her children first - though you may disagree with  me - I just know how hard it is for children to adapt with regard to adult relationships. I can see that the "new Man" is getting his feet under the table, and probably sees Grandson as the opposition! And that I can't bear.
   I delivered Grandson back home last evening and literally watched him change as we got closer.  I was driving, but I could feel the tension in him. It was as if he was putting on armour in readiness for the encounter. Poor lad, at 13 he's absolutely not equipped to deal with competition for his Mother's affections (and that is surely what it is).  I think it's all too much.
   I probably feel worse about it because I am about to go off to Barcelona again for a prolonged stay and I worry that Grandson will be unhappy while I'm away. Of course I may be wrong (I usually am) but I think that expecting young boys to "get on with it" and "man up" is the worst possible thing for them. Just when they are becoming aware of their emotions, it tells them to smother their feelings and can only lead to more failed relationships in the future, and to emotional upheavals of one sort or another. I do know that whatever one does can be construed as 'wrong' just because they need rebellion of some sort. But I want to avoid permanent damage for Grandson - he has had so much upheaval in his young life already:  his Mum has had so many boyfriends, he has had too many potential "Dads" (and two real ones), he has moved both house and school so many times that I feel he has too much bubbling under the surface that is bound to come out at some time.
I just hope it doesn't happen when I'm away -at least if I'm around to pick up the pieces it might help.
   Of course all this is what I would say to Daughter if we could just sit down together and talk calmly about the situation. Alas, I lack the courage. She is my baby and so I love her unconditionally. If I do interfere I will only be in the wrong again, and she will tell me that everything is fine,
   Oh for a magic wand to wave!