Single Parenting.

             I haven't really written about this for a while - mostly because when your children are grown up with children of their own, it seems rather pointless. However, having  had BG here for the weekend, I was reminded of some of the experiences I had as a single parent. BG reminded  me, somewhat obliquely, because when I asked him what he had bought with his fiver last week he said he had actually given it to a friend at College because she didn't have the necessary money to get the bus home. Now BG doesn't have a lot of money, neither does Daughter. There are six of them, and the dog, living on a limited income which is enough for food, clothes and the rent, but not a lot more. I know that means that they are very fortunate, in these troubled times but nevertheless they are not exactly rolling in it. I was moved by BG's generous and kind gesture; when he could  have easily spent his fiver on some cheesy chips, or something similar, he gave it to a friend. He has a generous heart and without being sloppy about it, I was very proud of him -  He  has been brought up by a Single Mother (and a single grandmother :) and is a credit to us both. 

            This thread led me to remember a time when we lived in Cambridge and Son, aged 8 or thereabouts, came home in tears from Primary School and asked me if we were a real family? His Teacher had said that a family consisted only of two parents with children. Son was really upset, and I was really angry. I reassured him that we three (me, Son & Daughter) were absolutely a family, and a happy one, and then I stormed off to the (Church!) School to remonstrate with the Head Teacher. He was fairly apologetic, and promised it wouldn't happen again. At that time Son was the only one in his class who was living with a Single Parent, and Daughter had only one friend in her class who was similarly afflicted. By the time they left Primary School and moved on to Secondary I think there were only a couple of children still living with two parents.  But I clearly recall that I was considered an outsider: there were plenty of what Bridget Jones would call "Smug Marrieds". Looking back, it was an interesting piece of Social History, and it didn't bother me too much because I had an interesting life of my own and some very good friends. 

And as a Post Script, my two turned out pretty well. 

2020

I catch my breath when I think of my life. How can I still be here? And yet I am, not as lively it's true, but still going fairly strong. I have just been watching a programme about Clive James, who died last week, and who I remember as such a witty, funny and learned man, an Australian who came to this country and made it his own. And he lived in Cambridge, among the magical and erudite and strange academics, at the same time as we lived there. I remember seeing his house, a lovely typically Cambridge house, overlooking one of the greens, and thinking how lucky he was to have settled there. But of course we were equally lucky, living as we did in a modern house overlooking the Botanical Gardens, and only a bike ride away from the enchanting old colleges and their ancient gardens beside the River Cam. It was a truly magical place and time.15 years of privilege.
      Now I live in a place of little charm, in a small seaside town near Brighton, and in a 70s house of absolutely zero architectural merit. It's quite a come-down, and one I can only blame myself for. Still, my plans to move, though on hold, are still foremost in my mind, but have had to take a back seat for now. There are three reasons: first was the fact that I have AMD (age-related Macular Degeneration)
in my right eye, and that needs treatment, which I have started. Next, the Hearing Aids became an urgent necessity, mainly because my children grew tired of repeating themselves and started saying "Oh for god's sake Mum", and third, my teeth also need urgent attention if I am not to lose any more of them. Taken altogether these are not a happy prospect, but I can't ignore the implications. Getting
older requires quite a lot off maintenance it seems, and I have to grit my (remaining) teeth and bear it.
I was quite upbeat about getting these things sorted until I had a long talk with Son, who can always be relied on to be straight! Apparently it is naive of me to imagine that after sorting these ailments, there won't be more following on "at your age". Ah well, he's probably right but I live in hope.
      I spent Christmas in Sitges with Son and family in their new apartment (and with my new Hearing Aids). It was a lovely break, and gloriously sunny most of the time - tho' getting chilly in the evenings. They have settled in to the new place pretty well, and little Grandson has now started at his
 new school, which is about 5 minutes walk from the apartment.
      Daughter and Co had a nice Christmas (we skyped on Christmas Day) and then, when I was back home, I invited them all over here on New Year's Day for a festive lunch/get together. It was just lovely but already seems such a long time ago - we are already half way through January. 
      Time to go, but wishing you all a belated Happy New Year.