Monday, February 9, 2009

Roses in Winter?

Oh for crying out loud (which is something else my Mother used to say), when is this bloody awful Winter going to let up. I was trying to remember when I was last this cold for so long, and I can't. I know we shouldn't expect sunshine and roses in February, but it has been freezing cold here for at least three months now, with no let-up. I've tried not putting the heating on and adding extra sweaters, and I light my log fires in the evenings to save a bit on gas and electricity, but even so I've still used far more than normal. And of course it's now twice the price it was a couple of years ago. I'm sure that EDF, British Gas et al. are rubbing their hands with glee at the thought of all that money coming in, but personally it makes me sick. Bring back the good old days I say, when gas and electricity were publicly-owned "Utilities", considered essentials for life, and didn't cost the earth. They didn't have shareholders then of course, so the element of pure greed that pervades most of the doings of private companies didn't enter into the equation. I know we can't go backwards, and it's not a good idea anyway, but I wonder if the current economic climate might just make us think twice about grasping for the most we can get. I was brought up not to be greedy, in any sense. In fact almost the worst thing you could do at a tea party was to choose the largest cake on the plate when they were being passed around. The shame of being thought greedy was simply not worth the gain. For a while it seemed a rather quaint and old-fashioned attitude, but I think it begins to make sense again. "Don't spend money you haven't got." was something else my parents used to say. And there's another good idea.
Do you think it might catch on?

I had a fab Birthday, with cards, flowers, presents and friends turning up all through the day on Saturday. Every time I looked out there was some other intriguing little parcel outside, and it was such fun opening them. I mostly waited for Grandson to arrive so that he could help me with the weighty task of unwrapping presents. And when he came, he was carrying a bouquet of long -stemmed roses and lilies which was nearly as big as him! His smile was wonderful to behold too. We all went to a lovely local restaurant, called The Coach House, for lunch. It has an open fire in the middle - very cosy on such a cold day. Son arrived from London just as the starters turned up, and we all had lovely food and glasses of wine. Then we wandered back home and had Birthday cake and tea (more presents waiting on the doorstep) before they all left. It was such a lovely day, and I think I've decided to have a Summer Party on the beach to celebrate my Birthday properly - it's just too cold and wintry to think of having a party now. Roll on the Summer!

I keep meaning to Blog more often, and to catch up with all my Blogging friends, but I'm not doing very well at the moment. I have been busy with some design work, which turned up out of the blue, more or less, and I have also been back for another therapy session. This completely blew my mind and senses away again - it was at least three or four days before I could think coherently. My Therapist gave me some homework to do, which involved metaphorically cutting the ties with my dead twin sister. It was a rather complex procedure, involving taking a warm bath, and with lots of candles and warm towels around me to create a comfortable and safe environment. I then had to visualize cutting the chord which joined us, with some imaginary golden scissors, so that we could each let go of the other. This I have done, and I do feel quite different - lighter somehow, and more positive about life. One of the things she said was that I have spent my whole life feeling guilty that I was the twin who survived, and consequently have not felt that I was worthy to live! Now this is big stuff, and all I can say is that during the session I was quite aware that I was dealing with huge issues. I was trembling and shivering, sobbing and trying to take huge breaths. It was, to say the very least, extremely traumatic, and it took me a good hour again before I felt able to concentrate on driving home. And when I was finally safe and sound at home, I just collapsed under several blankets and slept. I thought it would be difficult to write about this, but actually, it's fine. I feel as if I have shed several skins and can, somewhat belatedly, get on with my life.

17 comments:

auntiegwen said...

Sending you much love and I hope this feeling of lightness continues xx

A Woman Of No Importance said...

I am so pleased that the therapy is working for you and that feeling of lightness is something I think you will hang onto - That is such a clever and meaningful exercise you went through - Well done!

Dusty Spider said...

Just popped in to say there's an award for you over at my place. xx

Dusty Spider said...

Me again, just read your blog. I think you're very brave to have gone through that therapy. Do look after yourself, emotionally I mean, for a while. Big Hug. flick xx

family affairs said...

BLOODY HELL that is a big deal for you to have to live with. How sad she died...I expect you wonder a lot what it would have been like? I heard somebody talking on the radio yesterday and she said you should never hope to forget a life trauma you should "knit" it into the fabric of your life and accept it...it makes us who we are. Glad you had a lovely birthday - I was about to say that you are so lucky to have such a close relationship with your grandson - but it's not luck. You've made that happen. It's brilliant. Missing you - NEED YOUR ADVICE ON LATEST ISSUE - HURRY UP!!! LX

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I imagine it was extremely distressing for you to deal with but something that needs to be out in the open in order you to fully move on.

The weather has been cold hasn't it! We've have beautiful blue skies for a while now but freezing temps and having to wear extra layers. Heating on most of the day and night and bills that are incomprehensible!

Take care,
CJ xx

Donna said...

Oh sweetie, I had No idea...sending Many hugs to you!!!hughughughughughughugs

Rob Clack said...

Generally, I am pretty cynical about "therapy", (I don't by any means dismiss it all) but this seems both real, ie based on evidence, and valuable, ie it really was good for you. Fantastic. Long may you grow and benefit through this. For all I don't believe in thinking positive vibes and all that, I really hope this is a turning point for you. Go for it! Of course, what I really do believe is that it's up to you. You're the person in charge. Take charge.
Best
Rob

Expat mum said...

Oh you poor thing. I'm glad you're feeling less burdened by it now.

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Thanks so much Auntiegwen, it does seem to be improving things so far. M xx

So perceptive of you "A Woman", I am feeling lighter, better and more positive. Long may it last. M xx

Dear Flick, thank you for both your messages - I will come over and collect my award, I'm just a bit slow right now. The therapy has been a big deal - and will continue so I think - but it is doing positive things for me. I'm taking care, don't worry. M xx

Dear Lulu, thank you so much for your concern and lovely thoughts.
It is a strange situation, and one I've swept under the carpet for far too long. Time to deal with it! And I do feel better for it.
I'm looking forward to having Grandson for part of Half Term next week - what larks. M xx

How right you are Crystal - it all had to come out and it's just a pity it has taken me so long!
It's still freezing here and I'm dreading the next lot of bills.
M xx

Dear Donna, well no-one else knew because I kept it under wraps I guess, didn't want to deal with it. Still it's all coming out now and am feeling better for it. Thank you for your extra hugs. M xx

Thanks so much Rob, it means such a lot to have the support of my friends. It has been strange so far, but does seem to be helping me to be more positive. And yes, the aim in sight is living my life with me in charge! M xx

Thanks so much Expatmum, it has been a tricky time, but I really am beginning to feel more positive because of bringing all the hidden stuff out into the open. M xx

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

Here in the Midlands there was a glimpse of Spring today. A warmish breeze and somehow the trees didn't seem to hang so heavily. There is hope.

The therapy sounds powerful, I hope it continues to help. Take care. I am a new blogger, please drop by if you have time.

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Hi there, Reasons 123, it was lovely of you to drop by and to take the time to comment, thankyou.
We had a warmer day today, and the crocuses are out in my garden.
I'm hopeful about the therapy, which feels good so far. Will call by your Blog soon. M xx

Working mum said...

Yes, that is certainly a big issue and a lot to deal with, but the therapy seems to be working if you feel lighter. I hope it continues to do so.

And you are so right about this eternal winter! Roll on Spring!

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

Oh My.....I LOVE your blog luv!!
My Prince is from South London and we have 1 kiddo still in Portsmouth and one in Barry, Wales. The other two are here with us in America.
I'm going to have to follow this fantastic blog if that's okay?
By the way, what beautiful children and grandchildren.

Steady On
Reggie Girl

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Hi Working Mum, nice to hear from you again. It does seem to be my time to deal with Big Issues! No time like the present, I suppose.
Crocuses are out in the garden and it was warmer today too.. M :-)

Midlife, Menopauase etc etc... thank you so much for visiting and for your lovely comments. I really appreciate them and it's always great to have a new visitor. Please do call by when you can, and I will return the compliment if I may. M xx

Maggie May said...

That is a terrible thing to have to deal with and I hope the therapist helps you to feel OK again. Hugs X

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Dear Maggie, lovely to hear from you again - I'm afraid I've been very remiss with my visiting lately! Thanks for your kind words - and I am feeling better, little by little. M xx