Saturday, August 29, 2009

Life's Rich Pattern...

Never has a truer word been spoke (sic), as my dear old Mother used to say. I am well and truly "in the wrong" now, as never before. I have been absent, as you may know, for nearly a month, and that is because things have taken a nasty turn in our family affairs since I last blogged. Three weeks ago I was totally blasted by a phone call from Daughter, who was on holiday in Greece, to say that the Boyfriend had proposed, and that she had accepted! This, as you may gather, was a total shock, given the upheaval three months ago when it looked as if her return from Dorking was imminent. At that time, they had had the mother and father of all upsets, and she couldn't wait to move back to Brighton. There were several reasons: they had been having "violent" rows, they didn't speak to each other at all, the previous year had been "terrible", she wished she had never left Brighton and couldn't wait to get back, her intellectual stimulus came from work, not from the Boyfriend, she wasn't sure if she could or should "settle for" what they had, she was going to be looking for someone else, and she didn't want to meet anyone who already had a child (as the Boyfriend has). Add to this the state she was in, and the fact that she said to me (however uncharacteristically) "Mum, you were right. You're always right." As I think I said at the time, this did not bode well!

OK, so now it's a complete "volte face", and they are engaged. She has the "gorgeous" diamond ring, to go with the two Chloe handbags, the Dior and Armani sunglasses, and the free Greek Island Holiday (just the two of them of course, Nanny Daisy and I were looking after Grandson). At the time of the upset, the Boyfriend had said that he would not apply any pressure if she would just give him another chance, a chance to change. And then he got his cheque book out. Forgive me if this sounds cynical, but I know that my lovely Daughter can be swayed by pretty things. He has been, very cleverly, playing the Daddy to her Daughter. The Daddy she didn't have to spoil her and tell her how lovely and special she is. However much I tried, I couldn't be that Daddy. And now I'm completely and utterly in the wrong because I can't smile and say, "How wonderful". Actually, I feel sick a lot of the time. And I'm not alone. The friends I have spoken to have voiced varied opinions, mostly in the region of "She could do so much better." Which is all very well, but it's not what she thinks now, three months later. I guess she was afraid to take that step, to be on her own again (not for long, I believe, with her looks, intellect and personality), to be moving back - though she would have had tons of support from family and friends - and despite all her qualities, she doesn't have a great deal of self esteem. And I'm sure that she was afraid of the effect it might have on Grandson - although we all reassured her at the time that children are very resilient and brave - which is another problem because sooner or later he will have to learn that the Boyfriend isn't his Father anyway. Oh God, life's a Bitch for sure. I'm in the wrong, and in the Dog House (arguably that's where I belong) and I don't know what to do next. Help!!