Nobody would know it's May here - it's cold as Christmas and really miserable. I'm soldiering on with my plans, writing notes and specifications and measuring, drawing out room sizes and trying to fit things in generally. It's not going to be easy, but as I go along I'm actually getting used to the idea
of downsizing. It's amazing how difficult this is as a concept because I suppose we spend most of our lives making a home, which usually means acquiring the stuff we need and like. It's a kind of emotional padding which we get comfortable with, and which we look forward to seeing and feeling every day. It's all part of our precious family structure and in my case it was doubly precious because my two children and I were a wonderfully close family. It was always us against the world, and when I look around at the chairs and books, the rugs and pictures and all the paraphernalia of family life which accompanied us through that journey, it tugs at my heart to think that much of it will be going. I can only hope that it will go somewhere where it may be appreciated in the same way. Silly me, I know it's only stuff, but it's our stuff, our family.
Of course it's also to do with acknowledging the fact that I'm getting older and I'm not the centre of their world any more. Fine, that's life and it's ok - I'm probably making too much of it, My nest has been empty for a while now, and I need to get on with my new life.
Turning over a new leaf means I will be taking time out, once my new house is done and dusted, and travelling. I'll be heading for some sun, and fun, and first will be joining my lovely BBF in Majorca, where she is renting an apartment in Palma. Actually she phoned me this evening, just when I was feeling rather sorry for myself and overwhelmed by it all. And just talking to her and laughing a bit made everything seem better.
For some reason, it reminded me of a film I saw many years ago, called "A New Leaf" with Walter Matthau and Elaine May. He's looking for a new wife and she is a scatty, plain woman who keeps dropping things and putting her foot in it. She's a social disaster and not at all what everyone expects him to be attracted to, but as he looks at her across the room, and sees all her imperfections, he mutters "She's perfect". It's a great comic moment. Funny the things you remember!