Friday, July 4, 2008

Missing Persons..

Yesterday was a very busy day for everyone else, it seems. Daughter had her first job interview since before Grandson was born, and was both nervous and excited about it. It was as a part-time Receptionist, and as her previous job was Hotel Receptionist and Conference Organiser, I'm pretty sure she will be perfect. Anyway, she said that the interview went well, so we shall see. She was also expecting a visit from her ex-partner's family in the afternoon (Grandson's other Grandma and her aged parents), so everything was happening at once. This family do try and keep in touch with Daughter and Grandson, though the absent Father doesn't - nor does he give them any support. Daughter is quite scrupulous about maintaining contact though, because she can see that the situation might get tricky in the future if she doesn't. One day, I'm sure, my Grandson will want to know who his real Father is. Heaven knows what will happen then, but I'm sure Daughter is level-headed enough to cope. When I look at his dear little face, and see it light up when he calls the Boyfriend "Daddy", I can't bear the thought of it.

I forgot to mention in my last Post that Grandson can now ride his bike without stabilisers! He learned how to do it last weekend with the Boyfriend (when Daughter was away in Cambridge), and now whizzes round at great speed. He was very keen to show me on Tuesday, and said "You're going to be very happy when you see this Nana." I was, of course, and very impressed, but I do wish he would stop this growing up. It's all too fast for me. Today Daughter said he was swimming underwater in the swimming pool - unaided and proper swimming - what will he be doing next? Probably smoking and drinking.. or maybe taking his Maths A Level..

I haven't seen Son since Grandson's Birthday Party at the end of May, so I'm missing him. I had a chat with him on the phone yesterday morning, and we were talking about love and relationships (specifically his with his Father). I still don't understand why his Father isn't involved and caring, and I never will comprehend that. They did actually get together briefly while his Father was in London last week, but their meeting didn't result in any better understanding. One thing Son said has stayed in my mind, and my heart. He was talking about love when it's real; it's not something you just say, but a feeling and an experience too, something that affects all your life: something you have to work at. He quoted a song lyric from Massive Attack - Teardrop: " Love, love is a verb. Love is a doing word." Sometimes I think my heart will burst with love for my children, and with the hurt I feel for them because they don't have the kind of Father who understands this. There he is, living on the other side of the world. He only has two children, and they are his only flesh and blood (apart from his Brother). When, if ever, will he realise how precious and wonderful they are, and how privileged he is to have them in his life?

16 comments:

aims said...

When it is far too late to make amends. And when grown children tell absent parents that as adults they have made thier own life and own decisions - which didn't include him either.

A lovely post Margot. Lovely.

Maggie May said...

A lovely post! Oh...... family!!!!!! There is always something to grieve about! However, if you have all this love for them, that is all that matters, from your side of things. They will remember who loved them & who didn't! Sadly.

the mother of this lot said...

The world is full of people who leave it too late to realise what they could have had. Maybe he won't.

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Thank you Aims, for your kind thoughts and comments. If only things could get sorted before it's too late. M xx

Hi Maggie, I know you're right, and it is sad. M xx

Hi The Mother, I'm sure that's true, but do wish they could have a good relationship before it's too late. M xx

Rinkly Rimes said...

I am a new Blogger and I'm hunting for British contacts, since I came to Australia from Britain via Africa. I'm a grandmother too so we have something in common. And, after I retired from teaching, at 69, I became a copywriter for a Childrens'publisher for five years. So I hope you'll look in on my Blog Rinkly Rimes
http://rinklyrimes.blogspot.com/
Brenda

Crystal Jigsaw said...

It may come that your grandson won't give a hoot about his natural father anyway because the father has never given a hoot about him. Sad but happens all the time. It's that old saying, Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad.

CJ xx

Donna said...

I'm with Crystal...I have to watch the same senario play out on a daily basis with my granbabies and Their "father"....He hasn't seen them in AGES....The kids are to the point of "if we see him, fine...if not...Oh well...NEXT"...
Smile sweetie! It will work out. Ex Hubby??...he'll have his regrets when it's Way too late to change the outcome....sad.
Love to you!!hughugs

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Hi Rinkly Rimes (what a great name), welcome and thank you for visiting. It seems we do have a lot in common - I'll be over for a visit soon. M :-)

Dear Crystal, you always have something thoughtful and helpful to say - thank you. Let's hope it works out that way. M xx

Dear Donna, thank you too - such good and thoughtful friends are hard to find in the real world, let alone our Blogging world. Love and Hugs - and I'm sure your grandbabies are aware of what a treasure they have in you! M xx

tea and cake said...

Hi there, I don't know if I've 'de-lurked' here before, but hi! We have a similar scenario in that my absent father died never realising what he had, and lost. But, he was a grown-up and that was his problem, not ours!
Love is what you do, and not what you say - and you're doing it.
cheers, Karen

Stinking Billy said...

Nice one, Mother's Place. You are so right.

Mean Mom said...

Fingers crossed for your daughter. Hope she gets the job.

Your daughter is very wise and generous to keep in touch with grandson's other grandma, even though father isn't bothered. Youngsters nowadays have some complicated relationships to make sense of. Grandparents, in particular, so often lose out. It is very sad.

I never learned to ride my bike without stabilisers. Sigh.

There are awards at my place and a silly post. Be quick, if you are interested, before I am beheaded!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

I haqve an award for you at my place.

GoneBackSouth said...

Yeah, hopefully the little ones will focus on the people they've got in their lives who care about them, and not give too much thought to the ones who don't.

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Hi Karen - how lovely of you to visit and comment. It's sad when Dads never get to the point where they realize what life's really about! Love. And how right you are.
M xx

Hi there Billy, I love it when you visit me - thank you. Right or not, I'm glad I have you on my side. M ;-)

Hi Mean Mom, lovely of you to take the time to comment, and thanks. Will be over to see what this is all about! M xx
PS So sorry about the stabilisers!!PPS Haven't heard about the job yet.

Hi MOB, short and sweet as usual! I'll be over in a jiffy. Thanks. M xx

Hi GBS, you're so right - in the end they know just who is worth having in their lives, don't they? M xx

family affairs said...

it's such a shame isn't it that they don't seem to see their children the way we do. How they miss out. Lx

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

That's true, Lulu. When will they ever learn? Perhaps they don't feel they are missing anything - but I don't get it. M xx