Seaside Musings.

The sea yesterday was a pale silver-grey with splashes of sunlight on the still surface. Lovely, and quite late-summery rather than Autumnal. In fact we have been having rather lovely weather, lots of sun and warm enough to walk by the sea every day and to sit on the balcony with coffee,lunch or tea. It sounds as if I'm always either eating or walking! And I guess that's not so far from the truth. I do feel very fortunate to be living here, because it doesn't seem to be the same everywhere. I often look North towards the Downs and see heavy black clouds leaning on the hills while we are basking in sunshine.

What do I do with the rest of my time at the moment? Well, I've been writing fairly regular articles for one of the local Estate Agents, whenever they want something a
little bit different - different from the usual fairly painful and banal property descriptions, that is (not to mention the painful grammar and sentence structure!). I quite enjoy doing these, it exercises the "writing muscle" a bit, though in a fairly limited way. And it does seem to be doing the trick - the agents are happy with what I write and their sales are going quite well. My other main occupation is to do a day's gardening once a fortnight or so for my lovely Therapist. This is great and very enjoyable, but she is in East Grinstead, so it's an hour and a half round trip and as petrol is so pricey just now, I don't go more often. It's only until winter sets in anyway, and while the ground is workable. Last week I worked for four and a half hours, mostly solid digging, until I could dig no more. My digging was made more enjoyable though by the delightful small ladies' fork I found at the Car Boot Sale last weekend. It was, amazingly, just £1, and is a complete delight to work with. I have also been choosing some plants and ordering hedging for her garden. Nice to spend other people's money, and get to see the results. In another existence, I would love to have been a proper gardener. What a wonderful life!

I collected Grandson from school on Friday and brought him home for the night. This has become something of a routine, and one which I am enjoying very much. He had had a really busy week at school and was happy just to chill out. We lit a fire (for the first time this year) watched a movie and ate sausages and mash.Perfick. Daughter came to pick him up on Saturday morning, and we all went for brunch in George Street. Today I went to the Car Boot again, on another lovely sunny morning, and Daughter was taking Grandson to a birthday party at midday. He went as Darth Vader, as the theme of the party was Star Wars. Very sophisticated these parties. I seem to have rushed around all day, and finally sank down at home with a cup of tea at about 5.15pm. Then the phone range and it was one of my BBFs asking if I had forgotten that I was meeting her at the cinema at 5pm! I felt really awful because of course I had forgotten - luckily she was not furious with me, which was better than I deserved. It's not as if I have a frantic social life after all, though I do have a busy week coming up. One of my London BFs is coming to stay on Tuesday, just for one night, and we are going out to dinner at L'Eglise for the first time in months. That will be gorgeous. On Wednesday I'm off to East Grinstead again for a day's gardening, hopefully putting in some of the hedging if it has arrived, and then on Thursday I'm planning a trip to London to meet Son for lunch. Great, I'm so looking forward to seeing him for a catch-up. On Friday it's the start of Half Term so I'll be picking Grandson up early from school and that will be another week gone...
At least life's not boring here in Brighton.

Bad Mother...

That's me! I'm bad on all counts it seems: lousy Single Parent (the break-up was all my fault and I didn't sufficiently consider the effect this would have on my children thirty years later!) lousy grandmother (I tried so hard to compensate for the traumatic effects of last year's dramatic break-up on my Grandson that I
consequently lavished too much love and attention on him!) And just so lousy all round that I haven't seen hide nor hair of Son since Grandson's Birthday. True I've recently managed to squeeze the occasional text message out of him, and we did have one brief (but lovely for me) phone conversation on the day before his Birthday. The most frustrating aspect of all this is that I have no control over it whatsoever! I can't force him to speak to me, or to see me,(nor would I want to do that anyway) and I don't have the oppportunity to put my point of view about all this because he won't even read a letter if I write. I supppose that what I would lke to say is that, all those years ago, I didn't have any control over events either. I didn't exactly have children (and they are beloved children) with the anticipation of being left alone to bring them up, but as that was the end of the cheese I was left with, I just got on with it. I always loved them and yes, I did put them first in just about every situation (and it seems that was a crime too!). I didn't "provide" them with a new "Daddy" because I was never prepared to compromise either their safety
or their happiness in a step-parent relationship. And I take full responsibility for that. Of course it was bound to be wrong in the long run, although then I simply put all my energies into protecting and loving them, and providing what I believed was a happy and normal environment to grow up in. WRONG! Now, it seems, it wasn't normal, only a "two parent and 2.4 children" situation is normal?? And only that kind of family life can produce a balanced, normal human being? The queries are all
mine. I saw plenty of completely dysfunctional "normal" families while my children were growing up, and maybe that's why most of their friends chose to spend their free time at our house. They didn't have the "normal" stuff to deal with at our house, it was just me: single mother, working from home so that I could be around whenever needed, cooking meals, feeding their friends, saving for holidays, getting angry from time to time, dealing with dramas, taking them to football, brownies, tennis, you know, all the "normal" stuff that families do. And make no mistake, we were a family. Only three of us, I know, but as Daughter now says, "The best damn family ever." Maybe that's a slight overstatement, but at the time I thought it was O.K. I did what I thought was right for everyone. Sorry about getting it wrong, but I thought I was getting it right. It's only now, with the benefit of thirty year's water under the bridge, that I can see the cracks. At the time I was just getting on with life. But, d'you know what, I hadn't then realized that a Mother's place is in the wrong :-)

B & B, that's me!

Well, I'm sitting here at 10.15pm, having had a rather exciting evening. I was expecting a new Foreign Student, and she duly arrived from Genoa at about 5pm; a very pleasant young woman, 23, nice and polite. She came bearing gifts from Italy in the form of food, mostly: two packs of genuine Genovese pasta, some fresh pesto (which tastes divine) and a pack of "pandolce", which I've never eaten before, but which looks dericious:-) It's for sure that we won't go hungry.

Anyway, there we were at 7.30pm, sitting eating a simple supper (salmon fishcakes, new potatoes and lots of vegetables, followed by gorgeous little chocolate pots) when the phone rang and it was one of my BBFs who was giggling away, and asked me if my double room was occupied. I had to admit not - though it is now spotlessly clean and ready for visitors - and she asked if I would take two nice people she had just met, Belgian cyclists, who were looking (rather desperately) for a place for the night! Well, what could I say but "Why not?", and before I knew it I was making up the bed, finding towels etc and welcoming these two people in. What larks! Brighton is that sort of place though. I have to admit that they were taking a chance in hoping to find a decent B & B on a Friday night, in Summer, in Brighton, and without prior booking. Luckily they found first Mary and then me - it could have been very different. So here I am with a house full for the night, ready to be up with the lark to make breakfast for three, and looking forward to having a bit of extra cash for the weekend. Nice surprise.

Good Intentions all round.

I have a feeling that I've just passed my third Blogging anniversary - how time flies. Though I must admit that my blogging record has been abysmal so far this year. Generally, since I bought my Laptop, I don't use the computer nearly so much - which is a bit of a mystery really. I thought that I would use it more because of the ease and convenience of having the laptop, as it were, on my lap! This is not how it has turned out - I used to look forward to sitting down at my desk in front of the computer screen and writing, but I just don't have the same feeling any more. Don't know why. Anyway, I have fallen short in many other areas too - I'm not writing at all, except for the occasional piece of copywriting (which doesn't really count as creative writing) and my E-Bay activities have also ground to a complete halt. Of course I have had Daughter and Grandson here for just over 6 months, and didn't really have space and time to myself in the same way. So let's hope I get back to more productive times again soon. Whatever hapens, I have to stop making excuses!

The other thing I must do is spend some time catching up with all my Blogging friends. Just like "real" friends, they need and deserve my time and attention, and I've been a very dilaltory and absent "virtual" friend for the last six months I know. Aplologies to all, and I promise to pay visits, make comments and generally behave better.

My poor garden is "drizabone" and in desperate need of a good shower of rain; I got the new curly hose out to water it this evening (the outside pipe and tap has been fixed courtesy of my lovely downstairs neighbour's lovely friend) and had a naughty ten minutes spraying the plants and topping up the pond. Actually I'm not sure if we do have a hosepipe ban here at the moment - but if we do, enough people saw me this evening, so I may be reported.

Weather permitting, I'm off to the Shoreham Flyover Car Boot Sale in the morning, picking up my BBF on the way, and I think we're meeting up with Daughter and Grandson there for a bit of mutual bargain-hunting, followed by a cup of tea and a bacon sarnie sitting in the sun. "Perfick", as Pop Larkin would say.

Time Out..

House to myself. A pile of washing and ironing, beds to change and an eerie peace.
Daughter and Grandson have moved out - gone to share a house in Hanover with an old school friend of hers who is training to be a Barrister. Not that that fact is particularly material. The most important thing is that they are old school friends from Cambridge days and will hopefully get on well together.

At least they aren't far away - about ten minutes driving if the traffic's reasonable, and since I'm looking after Grandson three days a week in the holidays, that's perfectly do-able. Actually it's really nice because I get plenty of time to do my own stuff and still keep up with him and Daughter, without us being in each other's pockets.

To backtrack a bit, Grandson had a really good Summer Term at school; he acted in his class play and concert with great gusto (he knew everyone else's lines and songs as well as his own), and it was a delight to see his shining face onstage - he enjoyed performing so much. He has worked very hard too - he learned to read and his writing and spelling have improved hugely. And to cap it all, he had a really impressive school report and lovely comments from his Teachers. He ran in the races on School Sports Day (he got a first, a second and a fourth),after which we had a picnic on the field in glorious sunshine. So a good time was had by all. And Daughter and I took him out for dinner to celebrate his end of term. Lovely - and now we're in the eight weeks holiday!!

Great Summer weather so far - we've had picnics on the beach and we've made a kite to fly down on the Lawns. I'm still doing regular gardening days for my Therapist and some copywriting for the local Estate Agents, plus improving my Brighton suntan. And I'm planning a trip up to London soon for the Summer Exhibition and a whizz round on the London Eye (I believe it's called a flight, which is quite scary).

Time for bed - I'm pleased to have caught up a bit. Night,night, sleep tight and don't let the bed-bugs bite...

June already!

Here we are at another Bank Holiday - at least we were yesterday. And on Sunday it was Grandson's 6th Birthday. Where, I'd like to know, has the month of May gone, never mind the last year? I suppose it has gone the way of all time, all the years, months and days of my life. And too quickly.

I could give you a run down on what has happened during May, but somehow it doesn't seem worth it. I'd rather look forward than backwards. So it's Half Term for Grandson, and he and Daughter have gone away for the week. They are in Cambridge for a couple of days and then driving down to Devon with the new Boyfriend for a 60th Birthday celebration (his Father's, who is divorced, remarried and has one new baby and another on the way!). I can't even pretend to keep up. Anyway, they all seem happy enough, so what's the problem?

Son and his lovely Girlfriend came down for the weekend, to help with the Birthday Party and to just chill for a couple of days. They have both been frantically busy recently, with Son spending a week in New York on business, and the Girlfriend going to Vancouver to see her parents and trying to keep up with work at the same time. They certainly live at a fast pace and they both looked very tired when they arived. Two days, a Birthday party, and a Barbecue later, plus lots of sleep and relaxation, they both seemed a lot better. Son is off to Cannes in a couple of weeks, for the Advertising Film Festival, so that will probably be another wipe-out. His Girlfriend has decided not to go this year, wisely I think..

My garden is looking lovely now that we have had some rain - at last. Last week the pond was down by about 6 or 8 inches and the frogs were poking their heads out in desperation. I borrowed my lovely downstairs neighbour's outside tap - mine is still not fixed - attached my hose, and topped it up. Sure enough, next day it poured with rain all day! The plants were all at their last gasp, so it was a real blessing. And this year I have the best Oriental Poppies ever, with huge orange tissue-paper heads and very black centres. They are stunningly beautiful next to the tall green Euphorbias and my "Black Barlow" Aquilegia. Luckily I very rarely water my garden, so the roots go deep for their moisture, instead of sitting near the surface. It's strange, but I think the extreme temperatures of last winter, which killed so many plants, have somehow produced some wonderful flowers from those which survived.

Hail June - let's hope it will bring Summer weather for us all to enjoy. We haven't had any really warm weather yet, and we are very nearly half way through the year. My Brighton BF has gone off to Turkey for three weeks in search of the sun - let's hope she has found it. I miss her and our regular Cocktail outings, but we'll soon catch up. And I'm off to stay with my Aristocratic BF on Thursday for a few days. Sissinghurst Garden is lovely at this time of year, and it's just around the corner from where she lives. I'm just finishing up a bit of work (copywriting for the Estate Agents) before I go, and really looking forward to a break. I love the drive through the countryside at this time of year; the rhododendrons will be out, and there will still be cowslips and a few misty bluebells in the hedges. The Cow Parsley is at its best now too - an ugly name for such a beautiful flower - and blowing in the wind. I guess I'll feel a bit like Mr.Toad of Toad Hall, bowling along the country lanes, "Poop Poop!"

May Day, May Day...

Another Bank Holiday and it's uncharacteristically quiet around here. Daughter and Grandson have gone to Cambridge (again) to stay with a "friend" for the weekend, and so I have the place to myself. It's been raining today so I've spent the day clearing up and cleaning indoors, while watching the rain outside with delight. Ahh, gasped the garden, and my pond positively gurgled with relief. I've watched the water level going down relentlessly (we had no rain at all during April), and have worried about the plants, the tadpoles and the frogs, but they seem to be OK. I uncovered the hiding place of one tiny little chap while I was cutting back the overgrown water plants - he was hiding in the roots of a particularly large plant - but he hopped away quite cheerfully. And the tadpoles continue to grow apace. I was just about to start watering the garden before today's rain, but discovered only yesterday that last Winter's big freeze has left me with two holes in the pipe to my outside tap which render it unusable. Dammit, I'll have to get it repaired or else trust to the heavens to water the plants. Hmm.

Yesterday was a beautiful day, and I wandered up to Kemp Town with one of my Brighton BFs. We passed the May Day "Childrens' Parade" on the way, as it meandered through the Lanes, with loud music and very excited children dressed in various costumes. I was reminded of the time Grandson wanted to join in, dressed in his Superman suit, and walked all the way, following the Parade, when he was only two! He's already providing me with memories and he's still only 5 (or nearly six as he constantly reminds me). Anyway, back to our walk in Kemp Town, where we bumped into Gay Friend who was beautifully dressed as always (bright pink jumper and matching scarf). I do wish he would cut his hair though, because it's a very long, greasy, greyish pontytail which he tucks into a hat (usually) and which sometimes escapes. If I'm really truthful, it makes me feel rather queasy - it's not attractive at all and I'm tempted to take a pair of scissors to it! That would probably be the end of our friendship though. After this encounter we spent a happy half hour in the Antiques Flea Market (where I bought a lovely retro 60s tray for £1) before sitting out in the sunshine to share a toasted ciabatta, a bottle of sparkling water and an almond bite. What a lovely morning it was.

Then yesterday evening I was invited to one of the Private Views that abounded because of the Artists' Open Houses which are a regular part of Brighton's Festival. It was very nice really - my downstairs neighbour's Artist friend is exhibiting with another artist across town - so there were lots of familiar faces, and some very tempting pictures. I may well go back and buy one of the limited edition prints of a stormy Brighton sea and beach; they were beautifully done and affordable as far as my budget goes - which is not very far. There was lovely food and wine too, and good conversation which mostly centred around babies because two of the friends present are pregnant.

Well, that's about it for catching up - though I haven't yet told you about my last trip to London to visit another BF, or my latest foray into copywriting. So much to do, so little time.