Thursday, February 14, 2008

Not waving but drowning...

Feeling not better but worse. Have terrible cold so am coughing and sneezing, but now also snuffling and mopping up tears because Son really didn't like what I wrote in answer (?) to his questions. He was down here this afternoon to collect a few things for when he goes skiing in a couple of weeks, but he wouldn't really talk about my letter. I tried to get him to respond, but all he would say was that what I had written was "defensive". (I suppose at least he didn't say it was dishonest, or hypocritical or stupid.) This was difficult for me because I believed that I had tried so hard to be honest and not dodge the blame where blame was due. He is always so honest, that I know he must mean that, I just don't get it. I'm not stupid, but I just don't get it. Oh hell, I can't ever seem to be anywhere but in the wrong. He said he didn't want to argue with me - if only he had at least it would have been out in the open. But he ended up by saying that he knew most of the answers to his questions anyway! Perhaps he went away feeling better after this, but I have come away feeling worse. Pretty sad isn't it that I should be so upset. Maybe I should just leave them to get on with their own lives and not try to be so involved. (But if he hadn't sent me that distressing message last Friday, I wouldn't have felt I had to reply!) Anyway, the end result is that it bloody hurts. Oh bugger.

6 comments:

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Which mother can ever do the right thing all the time. You love him and care about him and it's obvious he feels the same way about you. It is easy to reach out and take out your frustrations on those closest to your heart.

Take care,
Crystal xx

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Dear Crystal, how wise of you - thank you for your comments. It really does help to have another point of view, and you're right, "we always hurt the ones we love"! M xx

softinthehead said...

I'm certain that in every circumstance you did what you thought was the best thing at the time, that's all they can ask of you. It's is the hardest thing but we have let them learn from their own experiences. Chin up - it will work itself out.

Donna said...

And if I could learn to SCROLL DOWN, I would have understood you distress!!! I'm SO sorry!!
You did EVERYTHING RIGHT!! STOP second guessing yourself!! It just ends up smacking you in the head!! Remember...When you get "boys"...they get "macho" at the wrost of times and that includes being tender with Mother!
Time will take care of this so DRY your tears...Put a smile in your heart and get on with Your life. He WILL come around when he realises you're not moping around. Time sweetie...time and laughter. I promise!! ((hugs))

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

SITH, thank you so much. Of course you're right. They have to work it out and we have to move on. Love M xx

Dear Donna, I'm smiling, not moping. You're so wise and I thank you for your wisdom. M xx

Dusty Spider said...

So sorry to hear of the distress your son is causing you. How easy it was when our children were in the "terrible two's". Their problems were easy to solve then. Our adult children are the most difficult people in the world to deal with because, as you say, "their pain is our torture". It is impossible for you not to worry and fret, I know, I have the same problem with my son. But please be kind to yourself and, having done the best you can for him, step back and protect yourself. He will sort it out for himself in the end and he will eventually thank you for your wise counsel though he can't see it at the moment. My thoughts are with you. Many hugs. x Flick.