Oh No, not Again ..

A Mother's Place is where I am again...I had such a lovely time on my Birthday, and the day after, but was brought up with a jolt yesterday evening when I discovered that Son was really feeling low and depressed, and hadn't told me because he didn't want to spoil my Day! This, of course, made me feel even worse than I would have if I'd known. I must say that I had had my suspicions when I saw both his and the Girlfriend's Facebook comments over the previous week - I knew there was something amiss, but I didn't know what. (That's the trouble with Facebook - it's either good to know what they're up to, or it's not!) Anyway, my fears were confirmed when Daughter told me that Son and his Girlfriend had "split up". But she didn't know any more, and neither did I until I had a long and desperately worrying message from him yesterday. The trouble is, I'm so far away (well, London isn't round the corner) and I couldn't answer all his questions, or even speak to him, because he was feeling so lost and isolated that he wasn't even answering his phone. He also had written that he wasn't well either, and had a bad chest and cough etc - which was bound to make me feel even worse. Not that it's about me (as I wrote in my message to him) but I feel that my job is to try and make everything better for him. It's hopeless I know, because I can't do that either. I feel responsible, of course, and I also know very well that his Father has a lot to answer for. He (Son) has always been painfully aware of his Father's shortcomings, and when he was a little boy I could cuddle him and comfort him when he was hurt by his Father's behaviour. But of course those hurts go deep,and in recent years I think he has also been afraid that he might be growing like his Father. I always reassure him that he isn't - in fact he couldn't be less like his Father: he is sensitive (probably too sensitive), kind, very intelligent, very creative and very aware of other people's feelings. He is also very generous in every way. And I love him so much that any pain of his is torture for me. I couldn't get hold of him until this morning - and then it was only by text message. So I slept fitfully and thought of him and worried about him most of the night. That, of course, is what Mothers are for. I still haven't spoken to him - or rather he hasn't spoken to me - but I think he is feeling a little better. I still don't know the whole story, but I hope we will talk soon, and I hope that I can help. I know he has to deal with it himself, and I'm sure he will in time, but he has had some very bad patches in the past - all to do with relationships that have gone wrong - and I guess I feel that his worries about relationships with women must somehow be my fault. Who else is there to blame? Anyway, I have bought him some St. John's Wort, because that has been helpful on previous occasions, and some B Complex Vitamins to help get him back up a bit. Oh Lord, I wish I was a Fairy Godmother with a magic wand...