Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Just blew in from the Windy City..

My latest reader is from Wellington, New Zealand, which I am reliably informed is called the Windy City because it is always, well, windy. And I guess if you look at it on the map, you can see why. There it sits, on the very edge of a tiny dot in the ocean, facing all comers. My ex-husband, who now lives in New Zealand (Auckland) was the one who told me about this, via the children. When Daughter went on one of her visits, they took a trip to Wellington, flying down for a wedding or some such thing, I think. Anyway, my children are much more travelled than I am, but I do have a clear picture of the Windy City in my head, and I do welcome my (one) reader with open arms!

I'm beginning to actually look forward to going to France now. I've been a long time extricating myself from the sticky cobwebs of the past few years. And one of my Brighton BFs said yesterday that, actually, I haven't had a great time since I moved here. I suppose that's true, because I've been closely involved with both children and their "growing pains", and with helping them to deal with whatever has come up. Now, it seems, is a natural parting of the ways: Daughter and Grandson are happily nesting with the Boyfriend and Son is buying his flat in London, with a friend, so they will both be several steps further away. I'm not withdrawing anything in the way of love and support, but I just won't be around the corner in future. I'm sure that's both healthy and good - for all of us. I've been through a lot of anxiety and stress lately and it shows - I need to focus on my life now and move towards what I want. Why does that sound selfish to me? Because I've always focussed on them, I suppose. Time to move on...

My Student's first day at "work" was apparently most successful. I say "work", because he is actually doing work experience in a local Brighton company for which he is not being paid, but for which his father has paid handsomely. I asked him about the tea making, and he said that they had made tea for him. It became clear, though, that the other people in the office took turns to make tea, or coffee, for everyone else. This had not occurred to him. Had he washed up his cup? This, also, had not occurred to him. When I suggested to him that he should take his turn, he looked surprised. I had to explain that these people are not his servants. But I think he will make the effort in future. We went on to talk about his school in Zurich, for which his father also paid a fortune. He volunteered the information that it had cost £60,000 per year!!! I was shocked, and it showed. We talked some more about what people generally earn, and pay tax and live on here. I explained to him that that £60,000 per year could probably support two, if not three families. I don't know what the average earnings are in Britain, but I'm sure they're not £60,000per year, and speaking personally, I could make that £60,000 go a very long way. Well, my Student is only 21, with a lot to learn about the world - but I'm damn sure he isn't going to learn it while his Father puts his hand in his pocket for every little thing. Both my children went out and got part time jobs when they were just 16 and they did it not only to supplement the small allowance I gave them, but to step out into the world. I'm proud that they did that, and that they both took those steps towards independence with real enthusiasm. They are both workers, and both appreciate what their own endeavours can bring them. I always thought, rather wistfully, that I would like to have been able to give them more - but maybe it was better that I couldn't. I'm looking at Son's Christmas card to me, which is propped up by my computer, it says "Dearest Mum, thanks for everything this year and this Christmas. Roll on the South of France! All my love xxx." I think that says it all.

4 comments:

aims said...

You are a good mom and mentor.

Allowing yourself to see that your children need their own lives is a major accomplishment for any parent.

Now - the south of France hmmm? Sounds divine. But to me - so does walking along the beach with the sea rolling in....sigh.

aims said...

I should have added one more thing....

Go where your heart says.

Donna said...

Yes, you Should move along with your own life. They'll be fine..and if not? They'll figure it out now won't they?!! In the meantime, you go and have yourself lots of Fun!!! (If they Really need you, there's the phone)!

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Dear aims - thank you. The next step is slow in coming, but I'm beginning to see a future that's different - and scary. M xx

Dear Donna, I know, but I'm not ready to run just yet - making plans is all. M xx