Wednesday, March 12, 2008

An Apology and a Rant..

Have just realized that I was actually tagged again - by my dusting friend, Dusty Spider. So sorry, Dusty, to have left you out of the previous post. I'm hoping against hope that the list I posted yesterday will do for this one too - I despair of thinking of any more interesting things about me. But I will get together a list of wonderful, deserving Bloggers to pass it on to. Duck now..

I have been reminded by another Blogging friend about the mostly appalling behaviour of men when they are getting divorced and are faced with parting with some of their money - especially when it's for frivolous expenditure like feeding and clothing their children - or keeping their ex-wives out of the workhouse while they are doing all the physical (and emotional) work involved in bringing up the next generation! I may be exaggerating slightly, but in my experience, and the experiences of many of my friends, this has been an all too frequent occurrence. My Daughter still remembers the times when I was reduced to tears by her Father when the children needed new shoes, coats, or anything else that seemed excessive to him! These awful encounters, mostly on the telephone, were shaming too. My self-esteem was on the floor for many years because of our financial dependence and his avowed determination that we should not ever be allowed to feel either comfortable or secure. Despite an "agreement" which was reached between us, I was never allowed to feel that I could depend on it, and always had to account for every penny I spent. I did this, and smiled, mostly because I was trying to keep the peace and make the childrens' relationship with their Father a reasonable one. It didn't work. Because the more I bent, the more he leaned on me. It's the rule of the jungle I suppose. With hindsight, I probably should have told him where he could stuff his money. (I'm sure we would have survived.) And I know for sure that I should have gone to a lawyer and not depended on his "goodwill".

Fortunately I don't have to speak to him any more. He now lives on the other side of the world, and is married to wife number 4. Not that I mind this in the least - it seems perfectly fine to me (and I'm so pleased I'm not still married to him). We don't speak because of his attitude when Daughter was dumped with my baby Grandson; he wouldn't help her financially (which was desperately needed at the time) because he assumed that I would have had some money left over from our financial settlement of five years previously. Despite having paid for two children at University, who were living, eating and quite unreasonably, wearing clothes, and even taking into account that he had screwed me down as tight as he could on the said financial agreement, he thought I might have been living it up on the proceeds. I emailed him a reply which I should have sent him many years before, but which was nevertheless satisfying because I said, at last, what I needed to say to him. But I never cease to be amazed at the meanness he can exhibit, towards his own and only children. He has already told them that he intends to leave them nothing when he dies! (It's all going to wife No.4, who is "his life".) The sooner the better, as far as I'm concerned.

12 comments:

aims said...

What do you mean you didn't see a lawyer?? With a prick like that!

Why are those kind of men even on the earth? And wife No. 4 - she just be another number won't she?

aims said...

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr -

I get all riled up over men like this....sorry girl - well not sorry at all..I'd like to kick them all in the nuts with a steel-toed boot....

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Thank you Aims - you are a constant support. I know I should have done the lawyer thing and been braver, but he was (and probably still is) such a bully.
I'd like to kick him in the nuts too!! M xx

Dusty Spider said...

I can't stand men like that either. Makes me really mad. Only hope he falls for someone who really screws him. Glad you were able to tell him what you really think in the end. Hugs, Flick x

Dusty Spider said...

PS...No need to apologise. Sorry you got inundated with lists! Fx

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Thamk you Flick, it's great to be able to have these (blogging) conversations isn't it? I expect he'll get his come-uppance sometime, but at least I've had my say. :) M xx

Donna said...

GooDneSS!!! Karma sweetie...karma. He won't Ever be able to run from it. I hope you feel better after sending the email!! Thank God for children! He has Really said some things that he'll Never be able to take back....bless your heart!! Why didn't you call me??? We could have "taken him on" together!!!lolol....love 'ya sweetie!

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Bless you, Donna, you were just what I needed back then - a hand to hold! Love and Hugs, Margot xx

Expatmum said...

You'll get a much greater feeling of satisfaction when No. 4 has to deal with the drooling and incontinence!

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Hi expatmum, how right you are - I won't be doing any of that! Maybe I'll celebrate with a toy-boy! M xx

family affairs said...

Wife No. 4!! Holy shit....I see my blog on arsehole tight men prompted some memories....it's not just me then x

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Hi Lulu, sorry, a bit late in getting back to you. Yes, it pressed several buttons, as you can see! Mostly I have just forgotten about it, but rest assured it's not just you!! M :)